I can not believe how fast this year went.....

So many different things happened this passed year some very sad things, some wonderful things, some heartbreaking things, and lots of surgeries.........  They started off sad in many different ways... First, we lost Little Sasha..... Then we lost Missy Snooks, Then we lost Abigail.... And then we lost Gramps G.  I was struggling with cancer of the thyroid taking care of three kids and taking care of him and trying to stay strong even though I was dying inside.  I think my Gramps stayed alive long enough to make sure I beat the cancer.  He was so happy when he found out I beat it.  Then, God decided it was time to take him back from us.  It was one the hardest things I have ever been through and I have been through some really rough and tough stuff.  I closed down for a while and was mad at everyone even the ones who loved me the most I shut out.  My Mom helped me so much this past year I would be in the crazy house if she was not there to tell me to get up, wash me face, brush my hair and smile.  It was so hard but, I did it!~!~  In doing so I lost for a while my sister Fran not because, I wanted to but, because I was angry at the world and it was not her fault.  She and I have not always seen eye to eye and she has her own life as I have mine but, I was angry because she was not grieving so, I thought I like was.  Everyone has there own way of grieving and I was sad, angry, hurt, disappointed and I felt let down.  I was already going through so many health issues and I was very TIRED and lonely.  We finally made up in our own way.  I miss having a big sister that I could talk to and hug and cry too but, she is always in my thoughts and mind and heart.  A very good friend of mine told me what other people do Laurajean as only she could say my name and me hear it differently.... "Laurjean what other people do is none of your business and I thought you know what she was so right.  I have always worn my heart on my shoulder and after a while I got sick of it getting knocked off and I thought ok, Laurajean it is time to start living and not just EXISTING and more forward that is what your Gramps would want you to do.  Tomorrow is the Boss and mine Anniversary 15 years but, been together for 19 years.... He is my blessing every day even when he makes me mad.   I got a really neat gift from him for Christmas and Anniversary new floors in the kitchen I will post a picture tomorrow it is BEAUTIFUL!~!~! He has been there like no other he has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, and then some.  I had 4 surgeries and Grayson had one and I swear I can not do anymore surgeries even though the back specialist was too but, we shall see.  I have almost healed up from the last surgery but, still somewhat sore.  But, NO MORE PERIODS.  Now my luck my daughter will start and then I am moving to my Mom's LQTM...  Anyway, This year I am going to do what I say, I am going to be that friend that someone needs and can always count on,  I am starting FRESH!~!~!  I have always been LOYAL and CARING that will remain the same but, there are some changes a coming so be ready... 2014 just might be my lucky year..... :)

It is almost Christmas and 88 today is so not happening...

It is almost Christmas and it was 88 outside today... I am like over the heat..... BIG TIME.... I got all the wrapping of my Mother presents done today and SkyeNina and I had fun doing them together.  I see that we will be having another small cold front come in.  Being that winter started officially today so maybe we are in for some really cold weather.  It would be nice if it was really cold and for the first time in 19 years the Boss will not have to go to Sun Rays Groves and bust his ass for 110 a week during the cold weather, Poor Russell will have to do the work awwwwww GOD you are awesome... I have been getting better each day and the holidays are going to be a little hard this year the first few holidays without Gramps will be hard.  But, as I was talking to my Mom for the good night call we talked about making new memories and starting something new.  I think it is a GREAT idea.  Don't get me wrong I miss my Gramps with all my heart and tomorrow will be 9 months he has been gone... It seems like a lifetime already.  I miss his smell, I miss his words of such wise and comforting words.  I miss being called crazier than a shit house rat.  I miss his smile and small laughter.  I miss him and I really miss his hugs.  But, I have decided to make new happy memories of him and know that he is in a much better place and remember the wonderful times we had and celebrate his life not mourn it anymore.  It will not be easy but, losing a loved one never is but, there is a time to move forward and remember happiness.  We will are going over to Granny on Christmas eve and have tons of fun and Christmas lunch over here as always.  I am so blessed to have such and amazing family to be with because, their are so many that have no one or are away from home or lost or missing or saving lives or grieving somehow, I want to thank GOD I have my family to celebrate Christmas with and much love and happiness and much much laughter........ I don't want anything for Christmas I just want to be HAPPY and for this world to find PEACE...... Wouldn't that be AMAZING........... :')

Only 6 1/2 more days until CHRISTmas Break.......

No-one wants to say Merry Christmas anymore it is oh Happy Holidays~!~!  Well, I am not having that, I say Merrrrrrry Christmas to everyone and some people get pissy well, tough shit.... I am not going to have to say Happy Holidays like saying Merry Christmas is a HUGE CRIME.... I want to let people know that it is not all about the HOLIDAYS... It is about Love, Friends, Family and Giving. A there is a REASON for everything I say!~!~! Now, that it is 12:37 AM and I have to get up in 5 hours I am going to bed singing Merry Christmas to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT!~!~!~! LQTM!~!~!~!

The Unknown........

 

DYING TO HAVE KNOWN

For each of us eventually, whether we're ready or not,
someday, it will come to an end.
...
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten,
will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to
irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or owed. Your grudges,
resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.

So too your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do list will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade
away.

It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the
tracks you lived at the end.

It won't matter if you're beautiful or brilliant, even your gender
and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be
measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built,
not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned, but what you
taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage,
or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to
emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how
many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that
live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered by
whom, and for what.

A life lived that matters is not of circumstance, but of choice..........

 

 

 

 

It is not my business........

It is not my business and not my area anymore to continue to try and make people happy who are not happy with themselves and since I have always been a people pleaser I will no LONGER do that either.  I will be happy and please the ones who appreciate it and love me unconditionally from this point on.  I will not let anyone or anything make me feel as I have done something wrong.  I always own it when I am and I always say I am sorry when needed.  I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I have been so happy lately and then I tried once again to be the better person well, as Dr. Phil would say how is that working for you..... Well, I tell you it is not working at all.  LQTM.  I have said over a billion times I will not do that anymore and here I sat doing it and I was doing so good and I am so mad at myself.  I think people when you tell them something about how they are and they get mad it is because it is TRUE and they don't like it.  But, that is not my area either, nor my business.  I am sick and tired of people acting like they are the VICTIM here.... You can always change if you want it bad enough.  I did.... It took a lot but, I did it.  I am going to be me and try and let everything that is on my mind go I have so much coming up and I need to have a clear mind and soul.  On the movie Mr. Mom he said which I love ..... It is really easy to forget what is important so don't ..... But, I know what I have done and I can do but, NO MORE... I will enjoy the time with my family and with my Mother and a few good friends and that is that.  Just saying...... JUST US 7 for life!~!~!~!  :0)

2 Quotes for today and to live by....

Living Life..... Life is not a race but, indeed a journey. Be "HONEST". Work hard. Be choosy. Say "thank you", "I love you", and "great job" to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental ~ Search for your purpose and do it as best... you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. FORGIVE, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself ~ plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today, ENJOY THE MOMENT....... :0)

 

 

Life..... Seize it and make it amazing. Have adventures. Find your voice. Ask questions. Use your imagination. Make a difference. Surround yourself with only GOOD FRIENDS. Be kind & generous. Discover your passion. Make mistakes. Take chances. Follow your dreams. Today is the day, DON'T let it pass you by...... :0)

 

I am getting good at this thinking thing, I just might be growing up after all..... 

Fall back my A@@...

I wish they would leave the time changing ALONE.. I like it when it gets darker earlier that way I can get the kids to wind down easier.  I have been a real slacker lately blogging but, after this last surgery of doing the ablation nearly did me in and now I have to go back and do a full hysterectomy which we probably should have done in the first place but, we thought it would work.  Grayson will be going to do his Ct Scan Tuesday which of course I am not happy about but, this ENT specialist wants to see what is going on before we take out the sinuses and the tonsils, I think we are just wasting time but, again I am not the Doctor.  This week was so emotionally draining and I never get like that but, I have so much going on I feel like I will never see the end of the tunnel.  But, I know that I am getting close.  I have almost given up on them ever getting my levels under control because it is low or high or blahhhh.  I will know more the 11th.  I finally finished my MRI and they are three large grey spots on my neck and I knew that but, now it is just what are they going to do about it.  I promised my Gramps that I would not have any kind of back surgery before he passed away.  I will ask the Doctor if it is life threatening then I will ponder if not I will just deal with it I have been dealing with it for so long now I am numb to it anymore.  It feels like it is 3:00 and it is way pass my bed time but, yes me I had to fold the clothes so that after I take the kids to school I can clean this nasty house... I have let it go too long and I can not stand it anymore.  Went over to see my Mom today with SkyeNina and Little Dude, Dylan was talking to Donald and playing mine craft so I made Mom and I a pineapple cake and we ate it and stayed for just a little while.  I can not believe it is November and Thanksgiving is right around the corner and let's not even talk about Christmas..... GRRRRRRRRRRR Ok, I am off to hit the hay and dream a wonderful dream!~!~!

This is for my Mom I love you so much!~!~! :')

I love you Mom, with all I have and with everything that I am today!~!~ You are my everything today and everyday!~!~ You are never ALONE!~!~ I will always be there..... JUST us "7"......

Sometimes you just have to say what the heck.....

The last couple of months have been very stressful and over rated by so many things!!! I am going to STOP worrying about people who will not change and be POSITIVE!!! I have been through so much in the past few months that most people go through in a lifetime.  But, I will never lose my faith or who I have become.  It has not been easy I tell you but, it is the little things like getting a text or email or phone call asking if there is anything I can help you with or anything I can do for you and most of all HOW ARE YOU TODAY!~!  I only get these things for a few people and they know who they are and I love them deeply.  All the others who pretend and are fake I do not have time for you anymore or could I care less if you don't have time for me or to even respond than I hope you live a wonderful life ALONE.  And may GOD bless you!!!  I have no times for games life is too short for the BULLSHIT!~!~  I am me and I am done with all the crap that comes with it.  POSITIVE ONLY from now on and I think I am starting off very well...... :) I love the new feeling!!! Today, is Dylan's birthday he turns 11 I can not believe it.... It seems like yesterday I was bringing him home for HRMC and  he was so little.  My Mother is coming over and we are going to party down... All day and All night..... I must get to bed as the birthday fairy is very very sleepy hee hee`!~!~

Today was another day of rain and worry.....

We have as a family been doing a lot of worrying here lately on things we truly have no control over but, we are still human and we still worry.  I for one still worry enough for the whole family.  The Boss' families all live in the very hard hit area of Mexico he has been trying to get through to anyone over there can not.  I see the look of worry in his eye's even though he would never say a word about it.  He has been trying so hard to find a good job close to home but, that has been totally impossible.  But, I have faith that very soon the door will open for him and he will have a better job than he ever dreamed of one that does not take advantage of him and his kindness and his hard work of his loyal back breaking body.  I know this because my Mother told me so... ;) I love you, Mom~!~!  We had so much fun on Sunday with Granny and we get to spend her birthday with her and love her and shower her with gifts that I have so carefully picked out.  I have to take one thing back as they messed it up for a SECOND TIME.... But, they always say third time is a CHARM.  Well, at least it better be and no Mom it is not a CHARM.... LMAO!~!~!~  Tomorrow is going to be rough.  Tomorrow my Gramps would have been 95 and all his glory.  I still can't believe he is gone.  I will pick up my phone and say I am going to call him and then I remember I can't and I cry and think could I have done everything else better for him to make him want to fight to live longer for me.  The song "Don't" was on when he decided to turn off everything and I remember every single word.  Lots, of them he said to me.  A few were don't give up on me, we can do this, told me not to fight with the Boss he was a good hard working man and to not fuss over him.  Told me to "TRUST" and believe and always stand up for what I think is right even if I think in my heart I am wrong and "DON'T" ever forget to say that you are "SORRY" when needed.  It was so hard to watch him slip away but, he looked so happy.  So tomorrow will be rough and sad and love and joy and heart break and love a lot of love for someone who no matter how hard I tried never gave up on me.  Tomorrow I will celebrate his life with his wonderful memory of being the best man I have ever known in my "LIFETIME"..... And I will listen to the song "DON'T" and cry I am almost sure of it.  And then remember I got to do something most people never get to do and that was be with him until the end of his wonderful and amazing life with us!!!! After, I got the call not long after I left there and I helped the sweet young boy who looked like it was his first time at very seeing someone who had passed away along with myself and helping him lift him on to the bed to roll him in the car I felt a warm breeze through my body as the boy looked as surprised as I seemed and he asked me did I want him to walk me to my car.  I told him no I have someone walking with him at first I don't think he understood and then he smiling back at me and said ok, Laurajean..... And as I walked to the car it felts like it was miles away and I got in the car an cried and screamed for the man I loved so dearly (Even if I was crazier than a shit house rat) and slowly pulled away and on the radio was the song "DON'T"...... :')  I love you today and ALWAYS FOREVER IN MY HEART AND SOUL AND MIND......Frances Peter Haas 3/22/2013........

A little something "SPECIAL" for my Mother......

I wanted to write a very very very "SPECIAL" Thank you to my Mother for so many things and to tell her just how "GRATEFUL" I am to have such a wonderful Mother in my life.  She can light up the room with her smile, her laugh, her love, her listening ears, her shoulder to cry on, her ability to always have something for me to think deeply about in her wise words of wisdom.  She has been my "ROCK" for me and The Boss and my kids for so long now I could not ever imagine my life without her in it.  I wanted to Thank you for going with us on Monday, I know the man behind the chair (who will remain a secret) was so HAPPY to see you and knowing you were supporting me and the Boss meant the world to us both.  I so enjoyed you coming over on GRANDPARENT(S) DAY and letting us shower you with our love~!~!  But, most of all I want to Thank you for always being there for me when I feel I have no-one, or no where else to turn or talk to you are always there.  You and I have been through so much together and I appreciate you so much not just for always being there when I ask but, for the LOVE that comes with it.  It is something I can take to my grave and tell myself that my Mother loved me like no other.  You are so special not only to me but, to my family.  I love you for everything and for all YOU DO, DID, DONE, DOING to make sure we are going to make this a much easier thing to get through.  I know it seems like it is never going to end but, I am HEALING in more ways than one.  And that is because of you MOM~!~! :0)  I don't know what I would do without your love, caring, support and laughing so hard until we both pee~!~!  You amaze me and you have never let me down no matter HARD things have become and believe me they have become HARD but, with a lot of things down and a few more things to go I think we are on the ROAD of excellent HEALTH and HEALING and The Boss~!!~  I love you so very much Mom and there is no way I could say enough Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, in my lifetime but, I will try~!~! You are our world and Just us "7" for life.....  You will never know just how much your love and support has meant to me.  Much Much Love, Your Favorite "YOUNGEST" daughter and the Queen of run on sentences at your service.... BWAHHAAHHAHHAHHAH I am getting better ok, well maybe not today but, I am getting there... LMAO!~!! XOXOXOOOXOXOOXO THANK YOU MOM/SAL/ MD/ MaMi/Granny/Old lady Granny/Gran-Tan/Mother/Charrpo so many names for such a little woman!~!~!  Ps. That what we talked about today during our Mother & Daughter Day which is always so much fun is on it's way to the drop off and pick up place wink wink..... :0)  Things are looking up.  Now to deal with this health stuff and go back to my favorite Dr. of all times is going to be the best thing to make me well again as we talked about.  I feel LUCKY`!`  Muahhhhhhhhhhhh THANK YOU MOM FOR EVERYTHING!~!~!~!~! Pss. Thank you for getting Young Dylan his book as he seems to be a speed reader, I know he did not get that from me. Must have gotten it from his GRANNY!~!~! ;0)

Today was a very Happy Day and somewhat sad but, I only cried twice....

OMG!~!! I have never laughed and cried so much in one day with my family and my Mom today!!  We talked about Gramps a little and then I cried and then we laughed~~  The Boss cooked shrimp my Mom's favorite and I cooked a cake it was so good~!~  It was an Angel food cake with crushed pineapples and it was hum hum good.  She got me a glass with shells on it and told me it was from my Gramps again,I cried.... It's Footprints... The Lord replied "My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.  During your times of trail and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."......... I told her that was prefect and that sometimes having only one set of Footprints is better than none at all... She smiled her smile at me and I got the Mom hug.  She watched the Boss chasing Young Dylan around the yard The Boss so trying so hard to catch him but, after a while he finally did and throw his ass in the pool.  We had a great day~~  I do miss my Gramps very much and since I have been having such a very hard time lately, today was the first Grandparents day without him.  He never made much of a fuss over any holiday but, we always made it special for him and my Mom~~~  My Mom got a few surprises and she was happy that we were all together Just us "7"........ Happy Granny's Day to you Mom.  And Happy Gramp's day to you Gramps I know you are watching from another room or looking down saying you are going to make it Laurajean I just know it...  The above cartoon is such an insider joke for my Mother BWAHHAHAHAHHAHHHA LMFAO!~!!~ It says so much!~!~!  Hee Hee!~~!  I love you Mom and I love you Gramps....... Thank you so much GOD for giving me two such amazing and awesome Grandparent(s) Gramps and My Mom.... I love my glass footprints!~~! And I love you!~!~! Ps. I am the Queen and PRIZE WINNER of the RUN ON SENTENCES.... BWAHHAHHAHHAHHHAHH

I have no words to tell anyone how I feel and I would not wish what is going on to anyone I know and love...

Today, was one of the days that I wished maybe I would have over spelt or maybe got some wonderful news or someone who saw me crying my eyes out, asked if there was anything they could say or do for me to help me.....  Well, that so did not happen but, my Mother cut her lunch short with her gal pals to come to my rescue AGAIN... More bad news!!!!!  But, what else is new anymore.  I dislike even answering the phone anymore because, I am always crying or something else went wrong.  I just want one day for some one to call me and say hey Laurajean is there anything I can do for you today to help you or make you laugh or smile or ANYTHING....  Since the lighting strike and losing the whole AC unit and not having house insurance since 1997 until 2013 makes me so mad I could spit nails... Now mind you, I have had the same insurance company since 1997 and yes until present day and they told me that I did not make my payment so my policy was a GONER... I thought oh heck no you are kidding me well, they were so not kidding.  With everything that was going on this year losing Gramps, Snooks, Jack, Sasha, Abigator, Baby JJ and having cancer and being locked in my daughter's room for 5 days alone while I had to listen to my kids cry for me outside the door house insurance was the last thing on my mind and since they send everything to the underwriter's first and then me I thought I was crazy.    The underwrites are blaming the insurance company and the insurance company is blaming the underwriters...  The girl that I have been dealing with since 1997 Mandy and Candy were like Laura we did not get anything from them so, I thought ok then they would look at my history of payments since 1997 and say she always paid on time before time we will give her a break.  Well, that did not work out so well either.. I thought you POS's that is ok.  Not, only that I got a refund of every year because, I made them before the time was due I might add. Still nothing so I paid $3767.42 for a new AC unit and also paid my new insurance policy at the same time now I am so mad I can not stand it.  So, yes that was a lot to take it this week and then I go for the D&C and bleeding more now than I was before.  I clearly asked Dr. Rings before any med's were in my body once I got done if I bleed can I use tampons and he said yes.  Now, I have an infection which I will probably end up having another surgery on top of another one at that... My body is falling apart I say.......  "Alice, off with her head I say"...... Went to the eye doctor and he said your glaucoma is getting really bad in the left eye.  I said I could have told you that for free JERK....  So, back there in 3 months.  Waiting to see Judge Shinholser on Monday about the official name change thingy and then he sends Cliff a notice saying I need all the children's finger prints I thought are you kidding me and the Boss's too.  Cliff said this was going to be so easy in and out... YEAH... So, I had to take the kids to get that done today, which I am really not happy with but, it had to be done so it is.  And then, I went for ultrasound we will not even go there just know this, another yes you guessed it another surgery.  So, now that is it now at this moment 12:00 this day is over and I never have to see it again THANK YOU GOD.... I know that they say GOD does not give us more than we can handle but, I told him today ok enough already can you get off my back you are breaking my legs, I have paid my dues or should I say I thought I had but, my mother said maybe he is just wanting to show you one more thing... I thought long and hard about that and said, Tomorrow is never a promise, Try harder to understand why people are the way they are and they are not EVER going to change and keep my faith a little more, get down on my knee's and beg more, do more for people you care about... I am so worn out I can not think of anything I am not doing right but, maybe that is my problem I am trying to hard to please everyone who really don't not care or see what I am going through and say I will help you somehow someway.  For now, I am going to let go and let my mind and body and heart and tummy rest and let GOD do the rest because, I have no fight left in me at this point and time.  This is probably one of the longest blogs ever but, I felt good to get it out and just say what I wanted in my way and my time.... Thank you Mom for coming over and trying to heal your youngest favorite daughter but, I think a 2 by 4 is needed sooner than later... I appreciate you cutting your lunch short to help me out in my awful time of need.  I know it is not easy for you or me but, we got each other always "JUST US 7"....... I am going to go eat a bunch of candy I hide from the kids and watch tv and maybe since HBO is on I can find something to take my mind off overdrive...  Until I can figure out me....... and what to do, I will be reflecting and pondering on my next blog.... INSIDER Mom LMAO!~!~!~  Today, is a new day even if it feels like all my days are the same I will try my best to make it a GREAT DAY~!~!~!

OMG it never seems to end..... :'(

We went out to get something to eat the other night and it was raining a little something new and different.  I believe it has rained for at least 39 days straight.. So we got down the road and I thought shoot did a hurricane form and hit us with a direct hit or what.  I starting lighting like crazy and I and the kids were kinda scared and you could not even see through the window shield then we saw a bunch of fire trucks and cops and ER trucks racing everywhere... When we got home the house was filled with smoke and I thought shit is my house going to burn down.  It was coming from the attic.  The Boss got it out and we saw that our AC took a direct hit.  I was oh no not the AC but, it would have been much worse the house could have went up in flames and the sweet man that came over said we were blessed because a few minutes more and it would have been a destroyed home.  I thought someone is truly watching over us.. Thank you Gramps ;) I know it was you!~!~  Bad news is we have no AC and we spend the night at Granny's well Young Dylan and Miss SkyeNina stayed at Granny's HOTEL but, little Dude who was always begging Granny to come over and sleep at her house as soon as we got in the bed he started to cry for his Daddie.  I told Granny that the kids would call me and she would never even know what time they left.   She called me and said what time did you come get the kids I said 6:50 am she said I never heard a thing.  We both laughed.  Dylan and SkyeNina talked about it for 2 days and this morning again.  They had a blast with her.  Thank you Mom for doing all you can to help me out these days it seems like one thing after another and another and another.  I went and took all my blood work this morning and yeah yeah yeah!~! Now I am on a mission to call and find someone who will do and ablation on me and not just a D&C I am not sure that will help and I am not going to do two surgeries because I am thinking I will be doing another with the thyroid thing again so I am not doing three.... Ok, I am off to make some calls... Later Peeps.  I sure hope the AC guys get here pretty soon I am sick of this madness..... :(    Ps. My quote for today...  "Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace"...... ljhg

Just us "7"........

I am no longer a virgin of the TAT world.... I got my first TAT today Sept 1, 2013 in memory of my Gramps and my family!~!~  There are so many more special people in my life but, Just us "7" has a special meaning for so many reasons and I could not think of a better why to show everyone so dear to my heart that is where they are.  We are going to spend the night at Granny's tonight as our AC got struck by lighting and we were very lucky to not have our house burn to the ground as we had gone to eat something for dinner as the storm came along.  A really neat man names Mike came over and said he had good news and bad news I said if it was that he could not fix my AC tonight he was not alone to come down from the ladder LMAO!~!~! He will be here bright and earlier to fix the rest but, I can not be hot..... Not today!~!~! So for now we are off the HOTEL GRANNY's this best place in town.... :)  Remember to smile, love, live, laugh and pray it is the only way and Just us "7" for life......

Well summer is over that is for sure.... I can not believe it....

This was one of those summer's where you ask yourself what really happened to all that time you spent hours together laughing and some crying and some drama but, in the end you know that you are doing what it takes to see your children smile.... We have had a lot of ups and downs this summer some wonderful, some awful, but, we did it as a family.  I know that things are not always easy in life but, you try your hardest to get up and do what it takes to make it through the day and think about all the people in the world who have it so much worse and are all alone.  I am THANKFUL every single day of my life for JUST US 7~!~!~! 

Places to go things to do oh geeezzzz

Ok, now that I have all my stuff done for the kids to start school... Don't Hate!~!~ But, seriously it was sad all the supplies they needed this year, I thought damn am I supplying the whole entire school or what??? It is sad because someone people just don't have that kind of money or don't care about it because sucker MOTHER'S like me buy all that shit...... Anyway, all has been bought and labeled and pack in their bags to go met teachers on the 15th.  We have so many different things going on in August and I hate to say it I wish it was over already and it has not even started yet.  But, we have to do what we have to do to get it done.  I have 8 different Doctor's appointments in August oh yeah!~!~  I have a feeling it will go by quick and easy but, I am praying the one appointment goes well very well.  I can not believe that summer is almost over.  It went by so fast and we never got to go any where fun or go do anything!!  But, we do have a nice pool and deck and we are having a blast.  I am going to fold two loads of clothes and then go to bed as I spelt all day long because the Dr. changed my med's around AGAIN.. I so dislike that but, that is the breaks when the change and thyroid and everything else is flipping out.  Go folks I will blog again this week I know you miss my blogs... LOL LOL ..... Later Taters!~!~!~!~!~!   :0)  ps. I am very truly blessed and grateful that Gina my Bestest Friend in the whole wide world will be coming down on the 6th and staying with us until the 8th just in case something should happen, I will let the ones who know what it is about after it is all over... Most of you know already.  Prayers are needed and greatly appreciated.  Final count on summer vacation days left:   21 now that is a sad sad number of days... I wonder what will become of those days.... Promises Promises!!!!!!!!!!! We shall see as they say!~!~!~!  LQTM....

After today it all seems sad and unreal......

Well, today seems to be very sad and unreal.  I can not believe it has been over 4 months since my Grandfather passed away.  It seems like yesterday I was going for weekly visits and running him around Publix losing him because he walked so darn fast.  And missing those three days a week calls to him to check up on him to see how he was doing.  Listening to his wise words of wisdom and thoughts and knowledge was amazing.  He brought such joy to my life, for so many different reasons some of them I can not even explain.  I miss his laugh and smile and him talking about the old days.  I miss his smell.  I miss his love for me.  I know in my heart that he is looking down and watching over me and saying you did it KIDDO~!~  I smile behind my tears, as I would give anything for just one more day with him.  Today, I feel numb and I know that is not what he wanted from me but, now it is my time to heal as I have not had time to do so as I have been going through so many different things I have been putting off so for now, I will take the time I need to heal and grow!!  I will always love you Gramps and can not believe how much you loved me and how much I miss you!!!  Save my seat and give everyone there my love and tell them how much I miss them too!!!  I will see you again one day until then so long Gramps (as you would always say to me so long KIDDO)  Forever in my heart and soul and my mind and my DREAMS............

Tell let me ya'll something about my MUTHER......

SHE IS THE BEST MUTHER EVER...... JUST US 7 FOR LIFE..... JUST SAYING..... :0)

Oh and BTW!~!~!

If you want to know something about anything that is going on from now on don't count on getting very much information out of me I would hate to disappoint anyone else GOD for bid.....

Once upon a time.....

Once upon a time a girl tried to do her very very best at helping everyone and doing and doing for everyone else and then she found out that not everyone was grateful and when she needed help she was shamed and disappointed at the way things came out.  She thought by doing things she would be loved more by the ones she did things for but, soon they quickly forgot all the things she did for them also so the little girl said I guess I will keep it simply try to leave DRAMA out of things and move on... As, I guess some people can not see what they have right in front of them and now that the little girl knows she will master things without a second thought or asking for anything other than a smile...... :0)  The little girl had not always been the best person in the world but, she did, did and did and now it has come back to bit her and she is not fond of that so from now on the little girl has decided to do what it takes to make it without asking for anything from anyone ever again... THE END....

Here comes the rain.....

Lately, it has been raining at night and lighting and making all that noise in the back ground well, it started early today.  I have not been blogging much as everyone knows but, I have just had so much on my mind lately that I have to forget shit and let it go~!~  I have that feeling that you know when you do something for someone and then after you do it you really wished you had not well that is me today. I feel used and I know I deserve better I thought I was really helping this person and it turns out all they really wanted was to use me.  I have such a big heart and it is hard to say no but, lately and from now I will be saying "NO".... to whatever unless it is something I know will make me feel good about me!~!  We have some serious stuff going on and I am stressing which I no have no control over but, I can't help it that is just how I roll.  I am going to have to let me body and mind rest and let GOD do the rest because I just can not do it anymore truly.  I have not always been the best person in the world but, I have paid my dues and I will not let anyone or anything make me feel any different oh they try but, I will not let them defeat me anymore sure I have probably said the same thing over and over and over and now I am even getting sick of hearing myself say it.  So, today it is time for change like the rain it might rain for 5 minutes and then again it might rain for 5 hours.  I am done being someone I am not and living for me and my family and the rest is just that NOTHING..... feeling useless and used~!~!~!  Helloooooo in there Charlie Brown move over Laurajean Haas-Guzman needs some room.

I have had enough.......

There comes a time in life when you have to say "NO" and let go and start living for you... I have not always been able to do this but, lately I have been there and done that and I will not be used, abused, or only needed when it is good for you.  Sometimes, you think friends and family are everything to you and then you find out most of it is BULLSHIT.... I have had enough of two faced people and their fake this and fake that.  I can count the people I trust on one hand and have a few fingers left.  I miss my Gramps so much he would always know just the right thing to say even if it was that I was crazier than a shit house rat.... :')  I was picked, poked, smashed and tomorrow I will be poked again but, at least it will be by Dr. Sexy.  Little Dude has has Clearwater appt and he dislikes that so much and I always get so upset worrying something will happen.  I will be glad when he is big enough to go where Dylan and SkyeNina go as it is very hard to go so far.  I must get a start doing things to get ready for tomorrow almost got everything ready but, need to wrap it up.  Homework is done and dinner is cooking so I am doing better than I thought... Thought for today if you don't love me the way I am leave me alone and just let me be...... Do us "ALL" a favor.... Thank you!~!~!~!~

8 1/2 and counting.... :0)

Talk about being a blog slacker well that would be "ME" I have just had not much to say lately.  It is always the same old thing more doctor's more tests more this more that.  I am getting really sick of it big time.  But, I guess that is what happens when you get old.  Only 9 1/2 more days but since we are going to see Dr. Blake and Dr. Sexy we will also be off on Thursday.  So it is only 8 1/2 for us.  I went to lunch with a friend of mine from school LeAnne she is so super sweet and I just think she is so neat but, I don't have a clue of what half of what she said today she is super shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and I am super LOUD.... LQTM but I did enjoy it.  I have 6 whole days off with no appt's and then bang they are start coming and coming but, I am getting them done and that is it and that will be that.  Well, that is all for now and I guess not much new here so I am off to bed and watch Hardcore Pawn. 

Being the big "45" and a blog slacker..... :/

I had an amazing 45th birthday and I got lots of goodies and cake and an arrangement from my sister and cards.  But I tell you the one thing I missed the most was getting a card from my Gramps.  He was always the first one to send me one and he never forgot.  My Mother took me to the Sebring Diner and we had a yummy lunch so good. And then we had ice cream cake and then the fruit arrangement from my BBS.  We had a good day.  I thank everyone so much for making my 45th birthday so special.  I have been staying busy lately trying to keep on my mind off things and doing a little of this and that.  Took Mom to her second eye surgery and everything went well.  I am so happy for her now she can see without glasses except small small prints.  I know that is an amazing feeling for her.  My sister graduated on May 11 and it was awesome and breathtaking and amazing I am so proud of her.  I hope she can find a good job one that treats her like she should be treated.  The house closed today and I know Gramps has been gone since March but this was kinda the end for me.  They say when one door closes another opens.... I am hoping on that.  I have been lonely lately and not feeling so good but it is my nerves but I am starting to calm down some for a while.  I will be glad when July 24th comes around and then the estate with be closed and I can move forward everything is pretty much done and now we wait for the 90 day period thing and then that will be that.  I miss him more some days than others but I am doing better.  Only 15 1/2 more days of school left and I am over the top about that.  Going to get a pool for the summer so we don't have to ask to go anywhere and people don't have to try to be nice and say yes when they really mean no.  And I can not wait until I don't have to get up early and do this and do that... I am one excited Mom.  Thank you Mom again for getting the kids today we both made it at the same times which worked out prefect and we got to visit and that always makes my day.  Ok I have to fold two loads of clothes and get a few more things done then bed time.  The AC guys are coming tomorrow to check to AC to make sure everything is ok for summer well shit since it has been summer since Jan I guess now is a good time to get it done... Ok later Peeps!~!~! Sweet Dreams and until tomorrow... :0)

Visit from Fran and the kids and Mom

Today, Fran and the kids came down and she brought her new car and I tell you it is SWEEEEEET..... I love it and now she can come more often LQTM...... It was good seeing them it seemed like years since the last time I saw them but, the last time was at Gramps and I was in a FOG and I really don't remember much from that very sad day.  But, today we laughed and had a good time I wish we could have talked more and they could have stayed longer but there will be more days ahead.  I got an afford on the house and Thanks to my BBS I stood tall and told Bob in an email how unhappy I was with him and his offer.  I also told him what my BBS told me and he will think shit this girl knows her shit ;-) that would be a big THANK YOU TO MY BBS.  I told him I was not going to just give my Grandfather's house away.  I think he will no be happy with my email but oh well, tough shit.  I am really thinking about getting this new van but I am reflecting and pondering, LQTM.... I am glad Fran and the kids made it back safe in the new car.  I hope my MOM gets better she knows what I am talking about.  I love my family.... Time to do movie night.... Later Peeps...

Today is been an ok day I got a lot of things done...

I am trying to keep myself busy so that my mind does not think to much but shoot you have to have a mind to think so in the department I am pretty good on the not thinking too much LQTM... But I have been wanting to do somethings and I got somethings done that I have been putting off.  I got a lot done yesterday and finished up most of it today.  I was going through a cabinet and I found a shirt and I thought why is this shirt in this cabinet and I said well shoot who's is it and as soon as it got closer to me I could smell Gramps on the shirt.  I thought wow I miss that smell a lot... :')  So I put it on my bed so that I can sleep with it I had one under there before but it kinda lost the smell of it so I put this one there for now.  It made me happy.  Now I am off to get eat some lunch..... :)

DAYS...............................

 

Some days are better than others, some days I barely can get out of bed, some days I cry all day, some days I smile and laugh, some days I can not figure out what to do next, some days are just days pasting by, some days are so hard, some days I wish I could see all the loved ones I have lost along the way, and some days are just that DAYS.......

Trying to start living again instead of just "EXISTING"........ GOD promise me you will give me a chance......

I have been thinking about so many difficult things lately somewhere along the line I have forgotten about the ones who stood by me in this very difficult time in my life.  I am grateful to everyone that stopped by or called or texted, asking if there was anything I needed but, I just want to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward.  I feel like it is going to be a good day and then something else comes in the mail and it goes from ok now what do I do with this.  Some days I dislike even going to the mailbox but, I must as my Mother said stop being sad and be happy that is what your Gramps would have wanted from you not sadness.  I cry and she hugs me and holds me tight and then I ask myself how someone so loving as my Mother be such a "GOD SENT GIFT"... to me and I think of just how lucky I am to have to "BEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD"... She gets me good and bad she truly gets me :').  I miss her so much and I know that I am not doing the things I should be doing like watching my kids play and hearing them laugh and just smile and hug them tight because tomorrow is never a promise.  I want to start living again instead of just existing.......  I miss my Sister she has not idea just how much and I miss Caroline and JS and all of us being together and sharing laughs and crying and being what family is all about... I miss Vicky a friend from Ohio who I have never met in my life and she has become such a huge part of our lives I would be lost without her and her family.  I miss Gina she is a nut but I love her and her talking to me for hours and when I say hours I mean hours.... I think I just need a day to lay around and watch old movies and not be awake at 3:30 am but I had fallen asleep so early and at 9:50 the Boss woke me up and said are you gonna get up and I thought I had only dozed off for a few minutes it was more like 5  hours.  My body is sore I have been walking a the TREADMILL... GOD BLESS my Gramps I have no clue how he did that but I am getting there at least I can turn it on without falling off now.... HEEHHEHEHEHEH.  Ok I just heard my buzzer on washer and now to do one more load and then catch up on those stupid soaps I love so much.  I am glad to see they FINALLY CAUGHT that sick POS that did the bombing I was so sick of hearing that all week and hearing all the sadness in this world.... :'( Makes you think what is this world becoming......

Houston we have lift off...... :0)

Today I got some news that I am happy about the papers have been signed now just need to scan them not sure how long that will take but at this point I don't care.  My Mom is having more problems with her little Tracker.... I feel so bad because who can even buy a car with the gas prices so freaking high, but she said it started up today I told her to start it everyday and let it run for a few and then shut it off and try to start again.  Dylan is doing the F-Cat which everyone knows what I think it should be against the law to put so much pressure on such young children.  But if my son makes all A's and B's all year round and is in the HAART program and if he does not score high enough they will not let him pass that is when the HOME SCHOOLING BEGINS.... No Kidding I am not joking. I think it is stupid to put such high standards on these young children making them sick and having panic attacks, passing out and stupid shit... GOOD LORD I could go on and on but I will not.. Only 3 more days of testing thank goodness... :0)  I am so proud of all of them they all got all A's and some B's and all S's and O's for little dude.  I am blessed.  Only 35 1/2 more days until sum-sum-sum summer time.... Who's with me.... HECK YEAH!~!~!  My BBS is graduating in May I am so proud of her too and she is going to find the right job at the right time and then she can start working on my book just think how rich we will be lmao~!~!  Granny said that Miss Ellie has been a bad girl knocking over plants and hiding but kittens like to have fun and she loves Granny and I think that is what Mom needed was some fun in her life god knows we need it.  Ok well the buzzer on the dryer went off so that means I can fold those and then go back to sleep.... Sweet Dreams.... :0)

Yesterday was busy busy busy..... :/

Yesterday I was so so so busy I swear I did not sit down until after 5:30 and had been up since 3:00 am I have so much shit on my mind and I need to stop because it is keeping me from getting better.  I took my Mom to get her surgery done on her eye she was higher then a Georgia pine I was laughing at her asking me where are my glasses do I have them on and then I had to take Miss Ellie to get her nails cut because she would not let me do it and I had tried three times and then to take to get into the cat box OMG.... Then she got out of the box on the way.  I told my Mom I was kicking her ASS big time.  Then I had to go take money out of my kids saving which pisses me off to pay my Wal-Mart payment because I am POOR..... :'(  and then I had to go get my glasses so that I can see better then it was time to get the kids.... WHEWWWWWW it was a day.  Then my Mom calls me and says did I loot the little yellow dog that Miss Ellie plays with and then she was crying for it and she could not see to find it so we all went over to find the yellow dog and The Boss found the dog and Miss Ellie was one happy kitten.... Today I am going to Lake Wales to get  the carpet cleaned and then put the house on the MARKET.... I can not do it for sale by owner not today to much I have already done for Gramps Estate and doing all the leg work and I said what I am paying Cliff the big bucks for.. So, from this point on the only thing I will be doing is opening up an Estate account and closing Citizens Trust account... That would be all folks... I am so DONE of DOING EVERYTHING.... I mean it... Ok Off I go I must get there and mow and turn on the water to get that carpet done... It will be a busy day again but tomorrow is FRIDAY thank you GOD..... :)

Today my Mom is having surgery on her eye then we will await the next appt... O-O

Today I am taking my Mom to get her eye surgery done we have to be there a little after 7:00 so I thought I would get up a little early and get a few things done... Playroom check, Lots of toys for ones that don't have any check, Did it while the kids are sleeping because when I do it when they are awake it is oh wait that is my favorite toy ahem yeah not happening.. check!!! Dishes done, The Boss uniforms ready for today because we will be going out of town on Thursday check, SkyeNina's homework done for the week check, Clothes out for the rest of the week check, folded two loads of clothes check, now waking up the Boss to go to make me some MONEY check.... :0) I am so glad that I am able to do something for my Mom she has really been doing a lot for me and the Boss and the kids so I know she is a little scared so I will stay there with her just in case she needs me... I hope that she will not be to out of it I can't handle out of it from her the last time I did that she was trying to lite a cig and the lighter was no where near the cig so I had to lite it for her I thought good LORD must she smoke while under the influence... LMAO... Anyway I got a lot done and I am still so sick I looked at my throat and it is covered with all that white shit.... GROSSSSS.  I did get some really exciting news yesterday all my babies are doing excellent in school. If only Poor Dylan did not have to take the unjust and stupid F-CAT I would be much better starts next week... GRRRRRRR..... :/  Now I am off to help the BOSS get ready for work... I am such a awesome wife and a favorite youngest daughter..... I feel needed and I love that..... Later Peeps.... :0) Have a wonderful day`!~!~!

a few good days....

First we need to welcome a new family member to our list and that would be Miss Ellie.. A kitten 4 months old that I got for my Mother because she got another cat named Joanie and she got her for 5 day and my Mom never even saw her so I told her to call back the lady and to come get the hiding cat and then surprise her with Miss Ellie... She looks almost exactly like Wooshie.. She is so sweet and cute and My Mom was happy she has been happier since she got her... I tried to tell her and warned her that older cats sometimes have issues which of course they and we all do.. But I think I got the right one for my Mother.... :0)  I seems excited and a littler happier now.  She got my kids from school today as the Boss and I had something to take care of.  It turned out wonderful we are hoping for it to continue... I will not speak about it because GOD knows who reads my blogs LQTM... But just know we FEEL GREAT at this point and time.  I am sick yet again which pisses me off but shoot what can I do.. I am so tired I can not sleep it is 4:35 am I am about to start dusting and then maybe I can breathe somewhat.. HEHEEH  A special note to my BBS thank you for stepping it up and keeping close touch with me since Gramps passed away and for texting me A LOT it helps. I love you and them.. To my Mother a special thank you for helping me out so much on all the things I have been doing and for helping with the GRANDS if they could have it their way you would be picking them up daily LMAO....  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU... :0) I have so much more to talk about but I want to watch the soaps and then wait for the sun to come up so I can get it done... rolling up rugs for the Boss to wash and dusting the house and mopping these floors.. Ahem sure am... I am grateful to have such a wonderful and simply awesome Mom and a BBS that has by back and is doing her thang gonna be get of out college soon so proud of her.  I love you both and extras and pets... XOXOXOOXOXOX :0) Today was a really GOOD DAY... I have not been able to say that in a while... bwhahahhah Getting there I think.....

Thursday and rainy and wet...

Boy we got a really good rain last night and seems to be going to rain all day.... We sure do need it around here.... Spoke with Dr. Barringer this morning and he said they got 3 inches and that Gramps passing was finally in the paper.  He asked me how I was I told him I was doing a little better and he could hear me trying to hold back my tears he told me it was ok and if I needed anything to let him know.  He said the couple that is working on his computer system to work is really wanting to buy Gramps house but I am just not ready yet to let it go.  I have until August that is when the insurance with end and I think I will just hold on for a little while... I am heading to the Dr. again today to get my med's and talk about this cough I have that really hurts.  My Mom is having surgery on her one eye next week and then they will do the other one a week or two later.  I feel so bad for her she got another CAT and it just is not working with her either.  I told her she needed a kitten and to stop with the older cats.. I know it is hard but I just might have to surprise her with a little something something... She is hurt I know I am so sorry that she has gone through two cats that have not worked out.  I think she would love a kitten more because older cats just have a past that might not be so special and you never know what to do with an older one.  We have a blast with mitten moo.. she is fun and wooshie and her are best friends we took mitten moo to get fixed and wooshie was mean to her for a couple of days and now it is back to normal.  The Boss and I have been together for 17 years today he goes by when we met not by when we got married.... LMAO.... We don't always see eye to eye and we have some really bad times and some really good times but I love him with everything I have.  I know GOD created him just for me.  We are going to go over to Granny's this weekend and help her dust that house she can not do that alone and since the eye surgery must be dust free we are going to get it done... Ok must run and get to my appt and then come back and do a few things not many might even dust my house today not promising anything but maybe... LQTM..... I hope everyone has a wonderful day.  And tomorrow is a really big day only a few know what I will tell after I get the news until then you will just have to wonder... BWHAHAHHAHAH :)

One of those weeks.....

It has been one of those weeks where everything I do seems like I keep doing over and over and over... Keep making calls sending in policies and making more calls and canceling this and canceling that and making changes here and making changes there... I thought that is why I got an attorney for who gets the big bucks.  I have done most of the leg work all by myself and after today I am not making any more calls and I will let Suzy handle the rest I am stressed out big time.  I am going why am I doing this so I can get things done faster no more of that.. I have done so much already that I don't know who I have called and who I have not called and I am done.... Tomorrow I go see my Doctor and I know he is going to bitch at me about stressing out and tell me that I need to relax and STOP AND BREATHE....... whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww and I am PMS'ing at 44 3/4 years old I don't think I should have the heating pad and cramps I am too old for this SHIT... Ok that is all for now as it is raining and I would hate to lose my computer today.... :/

The AFTERMATH.....

Well, today we went to finish cleaning up Gramps house and some of the neighbors came by the two that lived behind him with their three amazing dogs they were all so cute and they were fat fat fat one reminded me of my Mom's father Tippy that looked like a butterball... One looked like Rusty in the face and then some guy that the Boss asked to leave he came in and said may I look to see if I left a screwdriver in the back and at first I did not think anything and then the Boss caught him pulling things off the top counter above the washer and he said to the Boss did you check the attic we both looked at each other and then he got "THE LOOK"... The Boss said look guy I don't know you and it is time you leave he was quick about getting to the door... Then the sweet lady across the street she was black and so little she had a fire a while back and Gramps called 911 for her and let her kids stay with him until they got the fire put out and when she came to get the kids they were all asleep on his couch and had given them blankets and something to eat.  She hugged me and then pulled away I thought at first shoot did I stink and then she looked into my eyes and told me I was an ANGEL and he loved me with everything he had in his heart and she told me he was ok.  I cried....  After everything was done I asked the Boss and kids to give me a few minutes alone and they said ok... I shut the french doors and looked around this big empty house that brought back so many different memories for me as a child and a grown woman with children.  I felt a calm warm feeling and I swear I heard him tell me it was ok and it was time for me to let go... As I turned around to take one last look I swear I saw him and Gram holding hands smiling at me.... I shut the door and said goodbye for now but not forever.... I miss him dearly but now I know he is happy and no more pain and no more hurt... I will try to move forward and pick up the pieces and I know that is what he would want for me...  Today is Easter and a Happy Day my Mom will be over and I can get a hug my Mom gives the best hugs ever...  I told the kids that I was very sorry but the Easter Bunny would have to come another day to see them as him and I were very busy and they said it is ok Momma all we need is you.... I love them... Now I will sit here and try to make cards my computer was not wanting to do what I wanted it to do so I will try again if not out the window it goes..... LQTM.... April is around the corner and I sure hope it is better than March.... March nearly did me in.... So many things happened and I am ready to start FRESH..... Good night my loved ones... :')

A blog about my MOTHER....

Let me tell you all something about my MOTHER.... She is one of the best MOTHER'S anyone could ever have... I have been going through a very hard time lately and she always seems to help me get back on track.. I could never in a million years THANK HER FOR EVERYTHING she has done for me and my kids and the Boss.  She has been a GOD SENT GIFT... My Grandfather getting sick and her stepping up to help me even when she was sick as shit she was there.  No questions asked I called she came.  She is one of those people you can always COUNT ON "YOU KNOW" (insider) LQTM... She has listened, talked, cried and been there every single step of the way for me for many months.  I always tell her THANK YOU and it just never seems like it is enough to me... How do you Thank someone that helps you with everything... :0)  I know I have not always been the best daughter but I know now that I am her favorite "YOUNGEST DAUGHTER".. (insider)  She came over here today and many other days the past few weeks just to say hello and give me a HUG.. I love her hugs... She makes me laugh like no other and she makes me happy and she lets me VENT and she lets me scream and she lets me be me and she sure lets me cry... She is my diamond in the rough and I could never tell her enough how much she means to me.  We have had our ups and downs more ups than downs but she always give me the best advice and her opinion and that is what I need at that moment.  So today I want the whole world to know if you think you have a wonderful MOTHER.... My Mother is the best there is.. I love her like no-one else and I love her with all I have and with all that she made me today... Thank you Mom for being you and for being my Mom and BESTEST FRIEND EVER..... I love you so very much... Thank you for ALL YOU "DO, DID, DONE, DOING, and EVERYTHING...... XOXOXOOXXOOXO :0)   "JUST US 7" we will be getting that done next week I hope.... (insider) wink wink...

3/22/2013 RIP my SWEET GRAMPS... :'(

After a long month and a hard last 6 days Gramps has left this world to be with all his loved ones and I hope that he is having a blast.  It was very hard watching a man I admired and loved slip away but there is no more pain and he is HAPPY... He passed at 12:37 am I am still in shock and I am numb but I have family and friends and his memory to keep me from completely falling apart.  I will miss my three weekly calls and my weekly visits.  This Sunday is going to be one of the hardest things ever will be the first Sunday since 2001 that I will not go to see him or the Boss to go... My Mother is so sick and she was right there for me every single step of the way.. I have not even had a chance to THANK HER FOR EVERYTHING... The Boss was amazing and loving and even cried when the end was near.  My Sister stayed in touch every single time I texted or called.  They are what got me through this.. I am so grateful to my three MIRACLES.... :')  The kids were so super good for my Mom as she helped me so much in picking them up and getting sick at my house because it was 20 degrees in here and she could not turn off the AC, I feel awful she is so so sick.. But I got some of Gramps homemade chicken soup and I think that will perk her up.  The kids were also very good during the last month as I spent most of my time with Gramps.  And the last 6 days they were super super good they knew how hard it was for me and the helped out so much.  My sweetest super amazing Mother did so much for me I have not a clue in how to THANK HER... I could dust her house for her since she must have eye surgery and that will help her out a lot.. So I only have 1 appt that should take no longer than 30 minutes and then I will spend most of the week helping her I know that will not cover as much as she has done the past 6 months but it is a start.. wink wink... Ok I am off it is 1:13 am and I am wide awake since after Mom left around 5:21 this afternoon and I sat in my chair and slept until the Boss said hey it is past 9 are you going to move or stay there I thought I had spelt for 2 days but I needed it, did not here them leave to go get pizza or leave to go to Granny's or bath time or anything... That is some sad shit there.... Ok more later... I love you MOM, The Boss, my amazing kids, My BBS and JS & CG... Thank you for being my family.... I could never ask for anything more..... :')  Ps... I got two bowls of fudge... I am going to enjoy that and eat all that wonderful food my GRAMPS made before GOD took him into his arms.... One more thing I finally turned off the ringer on my land line since I have had it on for 2 months for Gramps to call when needed as I ate some fudge I then turned off the ringer and enjoyed it not scaring me to death every single time it rang... Gosh I am going to miss Gramps and our weekly talks and Sunday visits.... Ohhhh Geeeesh.. :/

Some many different things have happened...

It has been a really rough year so far, the cancer scare, the passing of 3 different loved animals all in 2-3 months and a beloved friend and old teacher Tina Odham passing away... It has become almost impossible to even get out of bed sometimes in the morning.... My Mom lost her other cat sweet Abigail I was in shock and my Mother was lost and scared but I was able to help her as she always does so much for me.... I know when I went over that she was not going to make it and I could see it in her eyes.. I think she died of a broken heart... Not that she was not loved by my Mother because she was but, I think she really missed Sasha or GOD just had other plans for her.  After Sasha and the Missy Snooks and Baby JJ I thought ok we are good for a while and then sweet Mrs. Odham my Mom's bestest bestest friend in the whole world died and I thought oh no how much more can my Mother take while we found out when she called about Abigator.. I felt so helpless but so needed all in one... I told my Mom how much I loved her and everything was going to be alright... Today she went a got her a new addition to the family.... She is so cute and loves my Mom so much her Name is Grace... I think my Mom is very happy with her choice and I am happy for her... It is very lonely when you are all alone.  I know it would not be long before she got a new one.  She looks like Wooshie the cat that nearly tore my arm off cutting her nails but Grace is Grey.. I am so happy for my Mom and I hope she enjoys her first night with her new baby Grace... :0) Sad times are coming and going but our love is stronger than ever... That is the best feeling in the world...  Abigator you are so deeply missed but I know you are happy to see your sister and cousins and many others from our past kiss them all for us and a special good night to you all.... We miss you all so much....

Mitten Moo Guzman

This is Mitten Moo aka Ding Dong aka Jitter Bug she is our newest family member after losing Snooks I thought I would never get another cat but I went to Petco to return somethings as after the lose of Snooks we also lost Baby JJ a tiny little hamster we loved dearly and when I went to just look at kittens there she was she was meowing at me and the lady said to me you know she had been there 3 weeks and nothing not playing or meowing now she had 4 brothers and sisters to lounge about but she seemed lonely as I after suffering a great lose of my bestest friend Missy Snooks.  I asked the lady if I could hold her and she starting loving on me and meowing and when I started to cry she licked my tears and our eyes met and the lady said shall I get her papers I say happily of course she is a GUZMAN now... I have not been able to get a really good picture of her yet as she is FAST Granny said to name her Flash... But she is now happy and Wooshie has warmed up to her after a little while. But I am glad we have her and I know Missy Snooks had me in mind for her the moment I saw her... Thank you Missy Snooks even though I still cry for you as Wooshie does.... Wooshie gets up where Snooks would lay and circles the area and meows for her still and it breaks my heart but she and Mitten Mooand they will become the best of friends......... I miss you Snooks!~!~!~! :')

Today it was a MIRACLE.....

I have been waiting so long to receive such a MIRACLE as today.. It has been a long 3 years and the last 6 months have nearly off me and my MOTHER and my family... But today 2/22/2013 I am CANCER FREE AMEN!~!~!  I have that huge spot on my neck which we all knew but for right now I will control with Doctor's care and a pill now and then and let my body be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... :0) It was a awesome day.... I love you all that stood by me and loved me and hated me when I was a BITCH and I was a BITCH at times.. but now I will look at things more clearly calmer sweeter softer special and loving... I have some wonderful people in my life and I would not change a thing..... I did not spend all that time in the shower crying and being on my knees for nothing.... I got what I truly prayed for MY MIRACLE....

TESTING 1, 2, 3..............

CAN YOU READ THIS BLOG NOW MOMMIE DEAREST I do not know what it worse this or HARRY..................... LMFAO!~!~!~!~!~

Happy Valentine's Day...

We as being the grands dressed in Granny's favorite color for her "RED".... I even got and new cute back ground and changed things up a bit.... I think I really like it.  Things have been moving really fast for me and things are getting put on hold and things are being pushed aside.  I have been feeling like a scared caged rabbit who has the door wide open but yet scared to go outside the cage due to fear and hurt.  I am not saying I am prefect by all means but sometimes you try to do things you think are right for you at the time and wind up hurting the ones you love so deeply but after all is said and done "BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER" and should be just that.  We all can not be happy all the time of every single minute of every single day.  I cry in the shower every night just so no one will ask me why... I hurt so deeply that my heart is torn apart.  I may smile and say oh "YES" I am ok how can I help you today.  But what I really want, need, is someone to walk up to me and wrap their arms around me and say hey I am here and I love you more than today than I have ever loved you before.  There are a lot of things going on in my life I want to hide and scream and sometimes I want to pack what all I can in my car and move far far far away.  But then I think about The Boss, My Mom, My Grandfather, My BBS and say what would I do without them... I have seen my Mom go through so many different things with me in the last 6 months than any Mother should have to go through in a lifetime.  Sometimes I feel so guilty and ashamed that she carries such a heavy load with all my health problems not to mention all the other problems but she always smiles and says BREATHE just BREATHE Laurajean is will be ok.  I was so lonely today so she came over just for me.... I think we both needed to feel loved and even though we did talk a lot and we laughed a lot and I even cried when she was not watching me watch her.  She is a GIFT one I hope I never have to give away or let go.  I love you Mom.  The kids got her a ROSE each and made the neatest cards for her and of course after I thought some families can not give the ones they love anything or see them or touch them or smell them they are only memories for them I can not think of what I would do without my family.  I am so blessed to have been given a second, maybe third probably even a forth chance at happiness.  I often ask myself do I deserve all this and for someone who had done some many awful things and so many awesome and amazing things I always come up with the same answer "YES I DO"..... Today was a new day and it takes baby steps sometimes to make a WONDERFUL PERSON.... Today I am that person.....  I worked every hard at it and I will continue to work hard at it I deserve it and so do the ones I love deeply...... :')

SAD SAD SAD day 1/26/2013......

Today I had to say GOOD-BYE to my BESTEST FRIEND in the whole world.. you all know her as Missy Snooks... She was a huge part of our family and she is so missed and loved.  I am not sure what I am going to do without her.... No-one to share my hair with and no-one to share our green chair with and no-one to meow for tuna like she did... I would tell her she did not love me she was just using me for TUNA... And she would MEOW like yay hurry up and get me some LADY CHOP CHOP.... My Mom went with me.  It was so very hard they wrapped her up nicely in a box and we gave her some things to make sure she never felt alone, my favorite night gown and a shirt from Bubba and some socks from the Boss and some pants from SkyeNina and some shorts from Gravy and then some really neat notes.... GOD  I miss her and life will never be the same without her.... Wooshie keeps meowing for her and looking for her which does not make it any easier.... GOOD-BYE my sweet girl I love you more than you will ever KNOW.... 1/26/2013...... :'(

When is it ok to let go......

I am having a very very hard time dealing with all the sickness and mental issues and a teacher and everything it seems like these days.  Doctor's that want me to do more tests and I am like you know what yeah let's do a sleep test on her so we can make more money says Dr. R and Dr. N knows how bad she messed up she does not even want to follow up with me and I thought she was out of "ALL" the Doctor's I have seen she had some good sense.. Well I guess I was wrong.... :/ that is how it goes I guess.  Anyway my big question for the day is when is it ok to let go of your children and let them discover who they are.  Everyone that knows me knows this is a very hard thing for me if they really know me....  I don't want the oh poor Little Laurajean is scared and she is bubbling her kids but I am.  I have not had the best past and someone out there did things worse than me but I feel as though somehow I am being punished.  I try very hard to be a very good mother to my three amazing children but I am scared in my fears that I have let my past cloud my judgement.  I am not saying that I am prefect no-one is and if they are I want to met them.  I somewhere need to know when it is ok to let go.  I worked so very hard to become who I am today but today I am asking myself who am I really a scared Mother afraid to let her children go and let them shine and soar and be who they want to be.  When I look at my Mom I want to be like her when and if I grow up she is so brave and so strong and so wise and so loving I know I got a lot of that from her but am I doing enough.... I worked so hard to have my children and been there and done that but I need to stronger wiser or just love them and make sure they know it always.  I am scared it is too late.  So again I am asking when is it ok to let go.....???? :/

Wow what a longggggg WEEK....

Well I am up early again this morning and I have made cookies for my sweet little Miss Virginia at Dr. Victor office and got a bunch of fresh strawberries and giving them some since I have so many.  Gramps wants some too so I will share.  I am not feeling to good I am sweating my ass off and I am so blahity and suckity... LQTM.  I have been running around all week and making phones calls and making appointment's for follow up's does it ever end.  I have lost some of my beautiful hair but after walking into Dr. Diamond's office in Winter Park seeing all those people with masks and no hair and being balded and looking like today was the last day of their life I took a second like at myself in the mirror and smiled and said Laurajean Haas-Guzman (like my Mother the way she says it I giggled) and said Laurajean Haas-Guzman are you living or are you just existing...... I am so blessed to have such and amazing family and such awesome friends I got this.  No one can understand the "C" word until they are told they have it even if it is small little tiny medium big huge large it is all the same.  But I feel like crap now I am going to beat this no DOUBT in my mind and heart.... :') Ok it is time to get moving... Today is a good day...

A very very sad day...

Today my Mother had to put her oldest cat down Sasha (little little Sasha) she was going to be 18 this year and she was in so much pain and My Mother was as brave as she could be.  I know it hurt her more than she realized I could see it in her eyes.  I felt so helpless but so needed.... I know what it is like to lose an animal I have lost a few myself they become such a big part of your life and it is so hard to see watch them grow up and be like kids and it is so hard to let them go.  Now she is in a much better place and she is having a good time with some of the ones we had to leave behind.... Like CB & Patcheese & Rusty & Roots & Poops & Coral and they are welcoming her with angel wings and all the fun and love they have.... I started calling Sasha my little patient after her last trip to see Dr. Larry and I know this time was going to be different somehow.  We got to see Marge she looks the same and she gave my Mom a big hug and a red ROSE... She is so sweet and loving.  I stayed with my Mom for a while and helped her get rid of some things I knew were hard for her and we made the bed together and she smoked and we talked and then we said our goodbyes.. I am so SORRY MOM I know you are hurting so much inside I can not tell you it will get easier because sometimes it never does.  But I will ALWAYS be here for you as you are ALWAYS there for me.... If I could take the pain away I would in a heart beat... I love you with everything I have and with all that I am... I am glad I could be there for you today as you are there for my everyday... I promised Sasha my patient that I would take care of her Mother and she did not need to worry anymore she looked at me as though she understood and then as my tears fell down on her face she was gone... You are loved and you will be missed.... January 6th 2013 goodbye my sweet little Sasha.... :'(.......

2012 seeeeeeeeeeeee ya~!~!`

Awwwww yet another year has come and gone I have been through more than one person has in a lifetime... I am looking forward to big big changes in 2013... I want to feel nothing but PURE and TRUE love from the ones around me.. The ones that don't need me unless they want something or only call when it is ok for them.... I have been through way to much stuff this year and I deserve to be treated as I treat others with caring, kindness, love, concern...  I have tried so hard in the past to make everyone love me and make everyone else HAPPY with I got news for you.. It is NOT ALL ABOUT YOU ANYMORE.... It is about me... I have been down a rough long hard road but I am going to beat this with all I have I deserve it... I know I have not always been the best person in the world but I sure do try.  I say THANK YOU when it is needed and unexpected and tell people I am here not matter what.  I tell people how I feel even it they don't like it (well I have not done much of that but I am here to tell you I am going to start 2013 I hope high HOPES for you)  So if you find out that I am not the same person I was before better ask yourself did I do all I can for Laurajean..... Just saying.... Say for now 2012 is behind me and I only see HAPPINESS and LOVE and FUN in 2013.... So enjoy life, Smile it is free love the ones you love while they understand why you love them like you do tomorrow is not promised and remember to say Please, THANK YOU, your welcome and let that person know you cared enough to NOTICE what they have been for you...... GOODBYE 2012 HELLO 2013 Here I come ready or not..... :0)