When is it ok to let go......

I am having a very very hard time dealing with all the sickness and mental issues and a teacher and everything it seems like these days.  Doctor's that want me to do more tests and I am like you know what yeah let's do a sleep test on her so we can make more money says Dr. R and Dr. N knows how bad she messed up she does not even want to follow up with me and I thought she was out of "ALL" the Doctor's I have seen she had some good sense.. Well I guess I was wrong.... :/ that is how it goes I guess.  Anyway my big question for the day is when is it ok to let go of your children and let them discover who they are.  Everyone that knows me knows this is a very hard thing for me if they really know me....  I don't want the oh poor Little Laurajean is scared and she is bubbling her kids but I am.  I have not had the best past and someone out there did things worse than me but I feel as though somehow I am being punished.  I try very hard to be a very good mother to my three amazing children but I am scared in my fears that I have let my past cloud my judgement.  I am not saying that I am prefect no-one is and if they are I want to met them.  I somewhere need to know when it is ok to let go.  I worked so very hard to become who I am today but today I am asking myself who am I really a scared Mother afraid to let her children go and let them shine and soar and be who they want to be.  When I look at my Mom I want to be like her when and if I grow up she is so brave and so strong and so wise and so loving I know I got a lot of that from her but am I doing enough.... I worked so hard to have my children and been there and done that but I need to stronger wiser or just love them and make sure they know it always.  I am scared it is too late.  So again I am asking when is it ok to let go.....???? :/