I have no words to tell anyone how I feel and I would not wish what is going on to anyone I know and love...

Today, was one of the days that I wished maybe I would have over spelt or maybe got some wonderful news or someone who saw me crying my eyes out, asked if there was anything they could say or do for me to help me.....  Well, that so did not happen but, my Mother cut her lunch short with her gal pals to come to my rescue AGAIN... More bad news!!!!!  But, what else is new anymore.  I dislike even answering the phone anymore because, I am always crying or something else went wrong.  I just want one day for some one to call me and say hey Laurajean is there anything I can do for you today to help you or make you laugh or smile or ANYTHING....  Since the lighting strike and losing the whole AC unit and not having house insurance since 1997 until 2013 makes me so mad I could spit nails... Now mind you, I have had the same insurance company since 1997 and yes until present day and they told me that I did not make my payment so my policy was a GONER... I thought oh heck no you are kidding me well, they were so not kidding.  With everything that was going on this year losing Gramps, Snooks, Jack, Sasha, Abigator, Baby JJ and having cancer and being locked in my daughter's room for 5 days alone while I had to listen to my kids cry for me outside the door house insurance was the last thing on my mind and since they send everything to the underwriter's first and then me I thought I was crazy.    The underwrites are blaming the insurance company and the insurance company is blaming the underwriters...  The girl that I have been dealing with since 1997 Mandy and Candy were like Laura we did not get anything from them so, I thought ok then they would look at my history of payments since 1997 and say she always paid on time before time we will give her a break.  Well, that did not work out so well either.. I thought you POS's that is ok.  Not, only that I got a refund of every year because, I made them before the time was due I might add. Still nothing so I paid $3767.42 for a new AC unit and also paid my new insurance policy at the same time now I am so mad I can not stand it.  So, yes that was a lot to take it this week and then I go for the D&C and bleeding more now than I was before.  I clearly asked Dr. Rings before any med's were in my body once I got done if I bleed can I use tampons and he said yes.  Now, I have an infection which I will probably end up having another surgery on top of another one at that... My body is falling apart I say.......  "Alice, off with her head I say"...... Went to the eye doctor and he said your glaucoma is getting really bad in the left eye.  I said I could have told you that for free JERK....  So, back there in 3 months.  Waiting to see Judge Shinholser on Monday about the official name change thingy and then he sends Cliff a notice saying I need all the children's finger prints I thought are you kidding me and the Boss's too.  Cliff said this was going to be so easy in and out... YEAH... So, I had to take the kids to get that done today, which I am really not happy with but, it had to be done so it is.  And then, I went for ultrasound we will not even go there just know this, another yes you guessed it another surgery.  So, now that is it now at this moment 12:00 this day is over and I never have to see it again THANK YOU GOD.... I know that they say GOD does not give us more than we can handle but, I told him today ok enough already can you get off my back you are breaking my legs, I have paid my dues or should I say I thought I had but, my mother said maybe he is just wanting to show you one more thing... I thought long and hard about that and said, Tomorrow is never a promise, Try harder to understand why people are the way they are and they are not EVER going to change and keep my faith a little more, get down on my knee's and beg more, do more for people you care about... I am so worn out I can not think of anything I am not doing right but, maybe that is my problem I am trying to hard to please everyone who really don't not care or see what I am going through and say I will help you somehow someway.  For now, I am going to let go and let my mind and body and heart and tummy rest and let GOD do the rest because, I have no fight left in me at this point and time.  This is probably one of the longest blogs ever but, I felt good to get it out and just say what I wanted in my way and my time.... Thank you Mom for coming over and trying to heal your youngest favorite daughter but, I think a 2 by 4 is needed sooner than later... I appreciate you cutting your lunch short to help me out in my awful time of need.  I know it is not easy for you or me but, we got each other always "JUST US 7"....... I am going to go eat a bunch of candy I hide from the kids and watch tv and maybe since HBO is on I can find something to take my mind off overdrive...  Until I can figure out me....... and what to do, I will be reflecting and pondering on my next blog.... INSIDER Mom LMAO!~!~!~  Today, is a new day even if it feels like all my days are the same I will try my best to make it a GREAT DAY~!~!~!