I have had enough.......

There comes a time in life when you have to say "NO" and let go and start living for you... I have not always been able to do this but, lately I have been there and done that and I will not be used, abused, or only needed when it is good for you.  Sometimes, you think friends and family are everything to you and then you find out most of it is BULLSHIT.... I have had enough of two faced people and their fake this and fake that.  I can count the people I trust on one hand and have a few fingers left.  I miss my Gramps so much he would always know just the right thing to say even if it was that I was crazier than a shit house rat.... :')  I was picked, poked, smashed and tomorrow I will be poked again but, at least it will be by Dr. Sexy.  Little Dude has has Clearwater appt and he dislikes that so much and I always get so upset worrying something will happen.  I will be glad when he is big enough to go where Dylan and SkyeNina go as it is very hard to go so far.  I must get a start doing things to get ready for tomorrow almost got everything ready but, need to wrap it up.  Homework is done and dinner is cooking so I am doing better than I thought... Thought for today if you don't love me the way I am leave me alone and just let me be...... Do us "ALL" a favor.... Thank you!~!~!~!~

8 1/2 and counting.... :0)

Talk about being a blog slacker well that would be "ME" I have just had not much to say lately.  It is always the same old thing more doctor's more tests more this more that.  I am getting really sick of it big time.  But, I guess that is what happens when you get old.  Only 9 1/2 more days but since we are going to see Dr. Blake and Dr. Sexy we will also be off on Thursday.  So it is only 8 1/2 for us.  I went to lunch with a friend of mine from school LeAnne she is so super sweet and I just think she is so neat but, I don't have a clue of what half of what she said today she is super shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and I am super LOUD.... LQTM but I did enjoy it.  I have 6 whole days off with no appt's and then bang they are start coming and coming but, I am getting them done and that is it and that will be that.  Well, that is all for now and I guess not much new here so I am off to bed and watch Hardcore Pawn. 

Being the big "45" and a blog slacker..... :/

I had an amazing 45th birthday and I got lots of goodies and cake and an arrangement from my sister and cards.  But I tell you the one thing I missed the most was getting a card from my Gramps.  He was always the first one to send me one and he never forgot.  My Mother took me to the Sebring Diner and we had a yummy lunch so good. And then we had ice cream cake and then the fruit arrangement from my BBS.  We had a good day.  I thank everyone so much for making my 45th birthday so special.  I have been staying busy lately trying to keep on my mind off things and doing a little of this and that.  Took Mom to her second eye surgery and everything went well.  I am so happy for her now she can see without glasses except small small prints.  I know that is an amazing feeling for her.  My sister graduated on May 11 and it was awesome and breathtaking and amazing I am so proud of her.  I hope she can find a good job one that treats her like she should be treated.  The house closed today and I know Gramps has been gone since March but this was kinda the end for me.  They say when one door closes another opens.... I am hoping on that.  I have been lonely lately and not feeling so good but it is my nerves but I am starting to calm down some for a while.  I will be glad when July 24th comes around and then the estate with be closed and I can move forward everything is pretty much done and now we wait for the 90 day period thing and then that will be that.  I miss him more some days than others but I am doing better.  Only 15 1/2 more days of school left and I am over the top about that.  Going to get a pool for the summer so we don't have to ask to go anywhere and people don't have to try to be nice and say yes when they really mean no.  And I can not wait until I don't have to get up early and do this and do that... I am one excited Mom.  Thank you Mom again for getting the kids today we both made it at the same times which worked out prefect and we got to visit and that always makes my day.  Ok I have to fold two loads of clothes and get a few more things done then bed time.  The AC guys are coming tomorrow to check to AC to make sure everything is ok for summer well shit since it has been summer since Jan I guess now is a good time to get it done... Ok later Peeps!~!~! Sweet Dreams and until tomorrow... :0)

Visit from Fran and the kids and Mom

Today, Fran and the kids came down and she brought her new car and I tell you it is SWEEEEEET..... I love it and now she can come more often LQTM...... It was good seeing them it seemed like years since the last time I saw them but, the last time was at Gramps and I was in a FOG and I really don't remember much from that very sad day.  But, today we laughed and had a good time I wish we could have talked more and they could have stayed longer but there will be more days ahead.  I got an afford on the house and Thanks to my BBS I stood tall and told Bob in an email how unhappy I was with him and his offer.  I also told him what my BBS told me and he will think shit this girl knows her shit ;-) that would be a big THANK YOU TO MY BBS.  I told him I was not going to just give my Grandfather's house away.  I think he will no be happy with my email but oh well, tough shit.  I am really thinking about getting this new van but I am reflecting and pondering, LQTM.... I am glad Fran and the kids made it back safe in the new car.  I hope my MOM gets better she knows what I am talking about.  I love my family.... Time to do movie night.... Later Peeps...

Today is been an ok day I got a lot of things done...

I am trying to keep myself busy so that my mind does not think to much but shoot you have to have a mind to think so in the department I am pretty good on the not thinking too much LQTM... But I have been wanting to do somethings and I got somethings done that I have been putting off.  I got a lot done yesterday and finished up most of it today.  I was going through a cabinet and I found a shirt and I thought why is this shirt in this cabinet and I said well shoot who's is it and as soon as it got closer to me I could smell Gramps on the shirt.  I thought wow I miss that smell a lot... :')  So I put it on my bed so that I can sleep with it I had one under there before but it kinda lost the smell of it so I put this one there for now.  It made me happy.  Now I am off to get eat some lunch..... :)

DAYS...............................

 

Some days are better than others, some days I barely can get out of bed, some days I cry all day, some days I smile and laugh, some days I can not figure out what to do next, some days are just days pasting by, some days are so hard, some days I wish I could see all the loved ones I have lost along the way, and some days are just that DAYS.......

Trying to start living again instead of just "EXISTING"........ GOD promise me you will give me a chance......

I have been thinking about so many difficult things lately somewhere along the line I have forgotten about the ones who stood by me in this very difficult time in my life.  I am grateful to everyone that stopped by or called or texted, asking if there was anything I needed but, I just want to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward.  I feel like it is going to be a good day and then something else comes in the mail and it goes from ok now what do I do with this.  Some days I dislike even going to the mailbox but, I must as my Mother said stop being sad and be happy that is what your Gramps would have wanted from you not sadness.  I cry and she hugs me and holds me tight and then I ask myself how someone so loving as my Mother be such a "GOD SENT GIFT"... to me and I think of just how lucky I am to have to "BEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD"... She gets me good and bad she truly gets me :').  I miss her so much and I know that I am not doing the things I should be doing like watching my kids play and hearing them laugh and just smile and hug them tight because tomorrow is never a promise.  I want to start living again instead of just existing.......  I miss my Sister she has not idea just how much and I miss Caroline and JS and all of us being together and sharing laughs and crying and being what family is all about... I miss Vicky a friend from Ohio who I have never met in my life and she has become such a huge part of our lives I would be lost without her and her family.  I miss Gina she is a nut but I love her and her talking to me for hours and when I say hours I mean hours.... I think I just need a day to lay around and watch old movies and not be awake at 3:30 am but I had fallen asleep so early and at 9:50 the Boss woke me up and said are you gonna get up and I thought I had only dozed off for a few minutes it was more like 5  hours.  My body is sore I have been walking a the TREADMILL... GOD BLESS my Gramps I have no clue how he did that but I am getting there at least I can turn it on without falling off now.... HEEHHEHEHEHEH.  Ok I just heard my buzzer on washer and now to do one more load and then catch up on those stupid soaps I love so much.  I am glad to see they FINALLY CAUGHT that sick POS that did the bombing I was so sick of hearing that all week and hearing all the sadness in this world.... :'( Makes you think what is this world becoming......