3/22/2013 RIP my SWEET GRAMPS... :'(

After a long month and a hard last 6 days Gramps has left this world to be with all his loved ones and I hope that he is having a blast.  It was very hard watching a man I admired and loved slip away but there is no more pain and he is HAPPY... He passed at 12:37 am I am still in shock and I am numb but I have family and friends and his memory to keep me from completely falling apart.  I will miss my three weekly calls and my weekly visits.  This Sunday is going to be one of the hardest things ever will be the first Sunday since 2001 that I will not go to see him or the Boss to go... My Mother is so sick and she was right there for me every single step of the way.. I have not even had a chance to THANK HER FOR EVERYTHING... The Boss was amazing and loving and even cried when the end was near.  My Sister stayed in touch every single time I texted or called.  They are what got me through this.. I am so grateful to my three MIRACLES.... :')  The kids were so super good for my Mom as she helped me so much in picking them up and getting sick at my house because it was 20 degrees in here and she could not turn off the AC, I feel awful she is so so sick.. But I got some of Gramps homemade chicken soup and I think that will perk her up.  The kids were also very good during the last month as I spent most of my time with Gramps.  And the last 6 days they were super super good they knew how hard it was for me and the helped out so much.  My sweetest super amazing Mother did so much for me I have not a clue in how to THANK HER... I could dust her house for her since she must have eye surgery and that will help her out a lot.. So I only have 1 appt that should take no longer than 30 minutes and then I will spend most of the week helping her I know that will not cover as much as she has done the past 6 months but it is a start.. wink wink... Ok I am off it is 1:13 am and I am wide awake since after Mom left around 5:21 this afternoon and I sat in my chair and slept until the Boss said hey it is past 9 are you going to move or stay there I thought I had spelt for 2 days but I needed it, did not here them leave to go get pizza or leave to go to Granny's or bath time or anything... That is some sad shit there.... Ok more later... I love you MOM, The Boss, my amazing kids, My BBS and JS & CG... Thank you for being my family.... I could never ask for anything more..... :')  Ps... I got two bowls of fudge... I am going to enjoy that and eat all that wonderful food my GRAMPS made before GOD took him into his arms.... One more thing I finally turned off the ringer on my land line since I have had it on for 2 months for Gramps to call when needed as I ate some fudge I then turned off the ringer and enjoyed it not scaring me to death every single time it rang... Gosh I am going to miss Gramps and our weekly talks and Sunday visits.... Ohhhh Geeeesh.. :/

Some many different things have happened...

It has been a really rough year so far, the cancer scare, the passing of 3 different loved animals all in 2-3 months and a beloved friend and old teacher Tina Odham passing away... It has become almost impossible to even get out of bed sometimes in the morning.... My Mom lost her other cat sweet Abigail I was in shock and my Mother was lost and scared but I was able to help her as she always does so much for me.... I know when I went over that she was not going to make it and I could see it in her eyes.. I think she died of a broken heart... Not that she was not loved by my Mother because she was but, I think she really missed Sasha or GOD just had other plans for her.  After Sasha and the Missy Snooks and Baby JJ I thought ok we are good for a while and then sweet Mrs. Odham my Mom's bestest bestest friend in the whole world died and I thought oh no how much more can my Mother take while we found out when she called about Abigator.. I felt so helpless but so needed all in one... I told my Mom how much I loved her and everything was going to be alright... Today she went a got her a new addition to the family.... She is so cute and loves my Mom so much her Name is Grace... I think my Mom is very happy with her choice and I am happy for her... It is very lonely when you are all alone.  I know it would not be long before she got a new one.  She looks like Wooshie the cat that nearly tore my arm off cutting her nails but Grace is Grey.. I am so happy for my Mom and I hope she enjoys her first night with her new baby Grace... :0) Sad times are coming and going but our love is stronger than ever... That is the best feeling in the world...  Abigator you are so deeply missed but I know you are happy to see your sister and cousins and many others from our past kiss them all for us and a special good night to you all.... We miss you all so much....

Mitten Moo Guzman

This is Mitten Moo aka Ding Dong aka Jitter Bug she is our newest family member after losing Snooks I thought I would never get another cat but I went to Petco to return somethings as after the lose of Snooks we also lost Baby JJ a tiny little hamster we loved dearly and when I went to just look at kittens there she was she was meowing at me and the lady said to me you know she had been there 3 weeks and nothing not playing or meowing now she had 4 brothers and sisters to lounge about but she seemed lonely as I after suffering a great lose of my bestest friend Missy Snooks.  I asked the lady if I could hold her and she starting loving on me and meowing and when I started to cry she licked my tears and our eyes met and the lady said shall I get her papers I say happily of course she is a GUZMAN now... I have not been able to get a really good picture of her yet as she is FAST Granny said to name her Flash... But she is now happy and Wooshie has warmed up to her after a little while. But I am glad we have her and I know Missy Snooks had me in mind for her the moment I saw her... Thank you Missy Snooks even though I still cry for you as Wooshie does.... Wooshie gets up where Snooks would lay and circles the area and meows for her still and it breaks my heart but she and Mitten Mooand they will become the best of friends......... I miss you Snooks!~!~!~! :')

Today it was a MIRACLE.....

I have been waiting so long to receive such a MIRACLE as today.. It has been a long 3 years and the last 6 months have nearly off me and my MOTHER and my family... But today 2/22/2013 I am CANCER FREE AMEN!~!~!  I have that huge spot on my neck which we all knew but for right now I will control with Doctor's care and a pill now and then and let my body be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... :0) It was a awesome day.... I love you all that stood by me and loved me and hated me when I was a BITCH and I was a BITCH at times.. but now I will look at things more clearly calmer sweeter softer special and loving... I have some wonderful people in my life and I would not change a thing..... I did not spend all that time in the shower crying and being on my knees for nothing.... I got what I truly prayed for MY MIRACLE....

TESTING 1, 2, 3..............

CAN YOU READ THIS BLOG NOW MOMMIE DEAREST I do not know what it worse this or HARRY..................... LMFAO!~!~!~!~!~

Happy Valentine's Day...

We as being the grands dressed in Granny's favorite color for her "RED".... I even got and new cute back ground and changed things up a bit.... I think I really like it.  Things have been moving really fast for me and things are getting put on hold and things are being pushed aside.  I have been feeling like a scared caged rabbit who has the door wide open but yet scared to go outside the cage due to fear and hurt.  I am not saying I am prefect by all means but sometimes you try to do things you think are right for you at the time and wind up hurting the ones you love so deeply but after all is said and done "BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER" and should be just that.  We all can not be happy all the time of every single minute of every single day.  I cry in the shower every night just so no one will ask me why... I hurt so deeply that my heart is torn apart.  I may smile and say oh "YES" I am ok how can I help you today.  But what I really want, need, is someone to walk up to me and wrap their arms around me and say hey I am here and I love you more than today than I have ever loved you before.  There are a lot of things going on in my life I want to hide and scream and sometimes I want to pack what all I can in my car and move far far far away.  But then I think about The Boss, My Mom, My Grandfather, My BBS and say what would I do without them... I have seen my Mom go through so many different things with me in the last 6 months than any Mother should have to go through in a lifetime.  Sometimes I feel so guilty and ashamed that she carries such a heavy load with all my health problems not to mention all the other problems but she always smiles and says BREATHE just BREATHE Laurajean is will be ok.  I was so lonely today so she came over just for me.... I think we both needed to feel loved and even though we did talk a lot and we laughed a lot and I even cried when she was not watching me watch her.  She is a GIFT one I hope I never have to give away or let go.  I love you Mom.  The kids got her a ROSE each and made the neatest cards for her and of course after I thought some families can not give the ones they love anything or see them or touch them or smell them they are only memories for them I can not think of what I would do without my family.  I am so blessed to have been given a second, maybe third probably even a forth chance at happiness.  I often ask myself do I deserve all this and for someone who had done some many awful things and so many awesome and amazing things I always come up with the same answer "YES I DO"..... Today was a new day and it takes baby steps sometimes to make a WONDERFUL PERSON.... Today I am that person.....  I worked every hard at it and I will continue to work hard at it I deserve it and so do the ones I love deeply...... :')

SAD SAD SAD day 1/26/2013......

Today I had to say GOOD-BYE to my BESTEST FRIEND in the whole world.. you all know her as Missy Snooks... She was a huge part of our family and she is so missed and loved.  I am not sure what I am going to do without her.... No-one to share my hair with and no-one to share our green chair with and no-one to meow for tuna like she did... I would tell her she did not love me she was just using me for TUNA... And she would MEOW like yay hurry up and get me some LADY CHOP CHOP.... My Mom went with me.  It was so very hard they wrapped her up nicely in a box and we gave her some things to make sure she never felt alone, my favorite night gown and a shirt from Bubba and some socks from the Boss and some pants from SkyeNina and some shorts from Gravy and then some really neat notes.... GOD  I miss her and life will never be the same without her.... Wooshie keeps meowing for her and looking for her which does not make it any easier.... GOOD-BYE my sweet girl I love you more than you will ever KNOW.... 1/26/2013...... :'(