Went to Mom's yesterday!~!~

Went over to Mom's yesterday, I felt like being a kid again and I had so much fun!!!!  We laughed and I cried and we talked and talked something, I have been wanting to do.  Being a Momma of three and a Boss and school and my breakdowns, there  has just not been much time to just sit.  Going here and going there is getting heavy on my mind and working my last nerve.  I still have not gotten over the initial SHOCK of Dr. Brace being gone.  ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SIGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  Today, I think of many things missing my Gramps and going to see him and listening to his words of such wisdom.  I have found out that when I can really sit and relax, Mom has the same words of wisdom, even if we do not always agree, I know her love for me and my family is completely "unconditional" and that is why I love her so much!~!~  She has been there for me and her grands and the Boss and she has never let us down.  Something, I truly need in this point of my life.  I have started seeing a psychiatrist, first visit was for the surgery and he signed off on that first thing.  Then, he told me looking behind that smile and laughter there is much depression and pain and anger.  But, I already knew that.  I think he will help me deal with a lot of things that I have pushed aside for so long.  I feel like I am going to explode.......  But, yesterday brought me back to the good old days.  I need to believe that, I can do anything I set my mind too.  I will overcome this.  Feeling alone in a crowded room, scared of being alone, always needing approval, always making everyone else happy.  I need to figure out how Laurajean truly is.  One day at a time, baby steps, I will get there and I will be okay it might not be today but, I will get there.