Went to Mom's yesterday!~!~

Went over to Mom's yesterday, I felt like being a kid again and I had so much fun!!!!  We laughed and I cried and we talked and talked something, I have been wanting to do.  Being a Momma of three and a Boss and school and my breakdowns, there  has just not been much time to just sit.  Going here and going there is getting heavy on my mind and working my last nerve.  I still have not gotten over the initial SHOCK of Dr. Brace being gone.  ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SIGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  Today, I think of many things missing my Gramps and going to see him and listening to his words of such wisdom.  I have found out that when I can really sit and relax, Mom has the same words of wisdom, even if we do not always agree, I know her love for me and my family is completely "unconditional" and that is why I love her so much!~!~  She has been there for me and her grands and the Boss and she has never let us down.  Something, I truly need in this point of my life.  I have started seeing a psychiatrist, first visit was for the surgery and he signed off on that first thing.  Then, he told me looking behind that smile and laughter there is much depression and pain and anger.  But, I already knew that.  I think he will help me deal with a lot of things that I have pushed aside for so long.  I feel like I am going to explode.......  But, yesterday brought me back to the good old days.  I need to believe that, I can do anything I set my mind too.  I will overcome this.  Feeling alone in a crowded room, scared of being alone, always needing approval, always making everyone else happy.  I need to figure out how Laurajean truly is.  One day at a time, baby steps, I will get there and I will be okay it might not be today but, I will get there. 

I am going to try to write down something each day!~!~!

I think it will help me snap back into reality and know that I can not please everyone all the time.  And, I can not make them do things they just can not do or want to do.  I must expect people for who they are and to stop trying so hard to have some kind of relationship with people who only care about me and my life when it suits them.  My new Doctor told me, it is time to worry about Laurajean and put things on hold.   I think after 46 years of being scared to be alone and making sure everyone else is happy and all smiles and full of laughter, I work on me.  It will be hard breaking that habit but, I think it is time to hold my head up high and move on to a better life for me and my family!!!  It has been so hard for so many years I have forgotten what happiness is all about.  I am going to try it and no I am not making any promises but, I will try very hard!!!!!  I am going to be less available for everyone who wants something from me that I just don't have to give right now....  I will do this!~!~  So, for now if I don't seem to care I do but, I need time and space to figure out me..........

I Believe

I Believe...  That just because two people argue,   It doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do love each other.
	I Believe... That we don't have to change friends if We understand that friends change.
	I Believe.... That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you, every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
	I Believe..... That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
	I Believe... That you can do something in an instant That will give you heartache for life.
	I Believe.... That it's taking me a long time To become the person I want to be.
	I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
	I Believe.... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
	I Believe.... That we are responsible for what We do, no matter how we feel.
	I Believe... That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
	I Believe.... That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,   regardless of the consequences.
	I Believe.... That my best friend and I  can do anything or nothing and have the best time..
	I Believe.... That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
	I Believe... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
	I Believe... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had And what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
	I Believe..... That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.  Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
	I Believe... That no matter how bad your heart is broken,  the world doesn't stop for your grief.
	I Believe.... That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.
	I Believe... That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
	I Believe.... Two people can look at the exact same Thing and see something totally different.
	I Believe... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
	I Believe... That even when you think you have no more to give, When a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
	I Believe... That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
	I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
	I Believe... That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in.  I just did.

Well, summer is coming to an end...... First Grayson left the nest and now school starts Wednesday!~!

Well, summer is almost over.  I can not believe it already.  I sure hope the school year goes by just as fast.  Went to the Doctor and I have lost 27 pounds since July.  I am super excited about that but, have a really long hard road ahead.  But, I can do this.  I have to start reading labels.  I am so not a label reading kinda gal.  But, I will to keep on track.  I am very scared about Young Dylan going to the middle school but, he must do.  I wish he could go to SMS but, HGMS it is.  I was telling them that is was going to be different for everyone.  I am always so sad when they go back for the first few weeks.  Being here all alone.  *SIGH*  Miss SkyeNina is ready for Mrs. we know and I told her if she yells at her once just once to tell her in a very nice way that you really don't want my Mom to come up here because, she can be in the 20 seconds or less.  Little Dude is super excited about having Mrs. Hitt.  I know it is going to be a wonderful year.  Young Dylan has some really neat teachers and some pretty tough classes but, he will do fine.  He is taking Spanish so he can tell me what is Dad is saying LQTM!~!~!~ Thank you Mom for coming over today and sitting with your grands while, I went to the Doctor, if I had known the Boss would be home you could have just stayed home.  We all know the Boss is not thinking clearly these days.. so not LMAO!~!~! I have been doing a lot of thinking about so many things lately, I know it scares me too.. tee tee!~!~  I am going to go to the school board probably on Wednesday right after I take them to school and sign them all up for SMS next year and then for the following years.  It is simply stupid to be zoned to HGMS when I live 4 blocks from SMS.  But, I guess it is in all who ass you kiss well, I am not fond of ass kissing unless it is totally necessary.. LMAO!~!~!  Well, I think I will fold the clothes and clean the bathroom and do the dishes and hell I might even paint the living room while I am at it... OH GESSSSH!~!~!

Do you ever think that people are stupid or just ingorant.......

As, Todd Chrisley would say irgorance can be fixed stupid is forever...... LQTM!~!~ Today, I feel lost I have so much on my mind sometimes, I don't know if I am coming or going.  I am lost in my feelings about a lot of things.  I have not always been the best person, but I know in my heart that I am a very good hearted person.  I have lost so many friends and family.  I had to stop and say I will no longer be your door mat, your bank, your call me when you need something and screw you when you need something.  I can only trust a few people and I am grateful for them.  People don't have to be blood to be family.  I thought that for so long and I am slowly finding out that sometimes complete strangers are nicer to me than blood.  It is sad to say but, true!!~!~  I just sit back and say are people that really stupid or ingorant.  I do and do and sometimes I want someone to say Laurajean is there anything I can do for you today or how are you feeling or are you ok.  All these fakes want to be's have got to go!~!~!  I always get my feeling hurt very easy and I am sick of it.  I guess I will have to start acting like others and maybe then "I" will get some freaking campassion.  I might be too sensitive or maybe argumentative at times but, DAMN....... I am just like "OK"........  I don't like when someone if different one day and then totally all sweet and precious the next day.  Just be REAL....... So, today that is what I feel.

Aretha Franklin ft. Michael McDonald - Ever Changing Times

TODAY I SNAPPED!~!~!~!~

Today, I finally snapped!~!~ It was a long time a coming!~!~  I am no longer concerned about what people think of me and I am no longer worried about people who are not in my area or on my leg!!  I need to start living for Laurajean!~!  It is what it is!~!~!~  I AM SO DONE!~~!~!!~ And, if you don't like it I am sorry you must have mistaken me for someone who gives a SHIT~~!~!~!~   :)