Well, summer is coming to an end...... First Grayson left the nest and now school starts Wednesday!~!

Well, summer is almost over.  I can not believe it already.  I sure hope the school year goes by just as fast.  Went to the Doctor and I have lost 27 pounds since July.  I am super excited about that but, have a really long hard road ahead.  But, I can do this.  I have to start reading labels.  I am so not a label reading kinda gal.  But, I will to keep on track.  I am very scared about Young Dylan going to the middle school but, he must do.  I wish he could go to SMS but, HGMS it is.  I was telling them that is was going to be different for everyone.  I am always so sad when they go back for the first few weeks.  Being here all alone.  *SIGH*  Miss SkyeNina is ready for Mrs. we know and I told her if she yells at her once just once to tell her in a very nice way that you really don't want my Mom to come up here because, she can be in the 20 seconds or less.  Little Dude is super excited about having Mrs. Hitt.  I know it is going to be a wonderful year.  Young Dylan has some really neat teachers and some pretty tough classes but, he will do fine.  He is taking Spanish so he can tell me what is Dad is saying LQTM!~!~!~ Thank you Mom for coming over today and sitting with your grands while, I went to the Doctor, if I had known the Boss would be home you could have just stayed home.  We all know the Boss is not thinking clearly these days.. so not LMAO!~!~! I have been doing a lot of thinking about so many things lately, I know it scares me too.. tee tee!~!~  I am going to go to the school board probably on Wednesday right after I take them to school and sign them all up for SMS next year and then for the following years.  It is simply stupid to be zoned to HGMS when I live 4 blocks from SMS.  But, I guess it is in all who ass you kiss well, I am not fond of ass kissing unless it is totally necessary.. LMAO!~!~!  Well, I think I will fold the clothes and clean the bathroom and do the dishes and hell I might even paint the living room while I am at it... OH GESSSSH!~!~!

Do you ever think that people are stupid or just ingorant.......

As, Todd Chrisley would say irgorance can be fixed stupid is forever...... LQTM!~!~ Today, I feel lost I have so much on my mind sometimes, I don't know if I am coming or going.  I am lost in my feelings about a lot of things.  I have not always been the best person, but I know in my heart that I am a very good hearted person.  I have lost so many friends and family.  I had to stop and say I will no longer be your door mat, your bank, your call me when you need something and screw you when you need something.  I can only trust a few people and I am grateful for them.  People don't have to be blood to be family.  I thought that for so long and I am slowly finding out that sometimes complete strangers are nicer to me than blood.  It is sad to say but, true!!~!~  I just sit back and say are people that really stupid or ingorant.  I do and do and sometimes I want someone to say Laurajean is there anything I can do for you today or how are you feeling or are you ok.  All these fakes want to be's have got to go!~!~!  I always get my feeling hurt very easy and I am sick of it.  I guess I will have to start acting like others and maybe then "I" will get some freaking campassion.  I might be too sensitive or maybe argumentative at times but, DAMN....... I am just like "OK"........  I don't like when someone if different one day and then totally all sweet and precious the next day.  Just be REAL....... So, today that is what I feel.

Aretha Franklin ft. Michael McDonald - Ever Changing Times

TODAY I SNAPPED!~!~!~!~

Today, I finally snapped!~!~ It was a long time a coming!~!~  I am no longer concerned about what people think of me and I am no longer worried about people who are not in my area or on my leg!!  I need to start living for Laurajean!~!  It is what it is!~!~!~  I AM SO DONE!~~!~!!~ And, if you don't like it I am sorry you must have mistaken me for someone who gives a SHIT~~!~!~!~   :)

If I Had Only Known

If only~!~!!~! I love you Gramps today and always!~!~! I think of you every minute of everyday. I miss you so much!! Thank you for loving me and always being there for me and The Boss and the kids. You would be so PROUD of the Boss we are almost there but, I know you already knew that anyway :') I still am finding my pennies from heaven!~!~!~ Don't give up on me!~!~!~ your favorite, KIDDO

Gramps, I love you today and ALWAYS!~~!~! I miss you DEEPLY!~!~!~

Gramps, I can not believe it has been a year already.  It seems like yesterday that we were enjoying the time we would spend together.  Our talks two times a week, some times more when you would call out of blue and surprise me.  Not, a day goes by with me thinking about you and missing you so much it hurts.  I know you would not want me to be sad and I am trying but, I miss you.  You were my friend, my Gramps, my HERO, my wise man who know just what to say and how to say it.  I miss your smile and your small laughter and your smell.  I miss seeing you wave to me when I would leave and smile and blow me a kiss.  I loved you like no other.  It was so hard watching you be so sick and trying so hard to be brave for me.  When you decided to turn off the machines and go I was so sad and I thought I would never make it without you.  I wanted to crawl in the bed with you and never let you go.  You grabbed my hand and told me how sorry you were and to not be sad and to "FORGIVE YOU for leaving me".... Everything, seemed like it was so unreal and slow motion.  I could not understand what everyone was saying.  No one can understand how much I miss you and you told me not to cry when you were gone.  I took care of you for so long it was so hard to let go.  You and I went through a lot of things together.  I know in my mind you held on a little longer to make sure I was CANCER FREE.  I loved taking you to the store and watching you shop made me laugh because, you were so fast and I will never forget when I could not find you and at the point you had lost your hearing so, I could not have them all call you.  I was out of breath and lending up against a pole and a lady said are you ok, I said I think, I lost my Gramps in here somewhere and then you came around the corner smiling, talking really loud because, you could not hear and said let's get out of here KIDDO!~!~  I miss our times and your hugs.  I hope you are ok.  I hope you are watching over me and I hope you are proud of me.  The kids miss you.  The Boss still goes by to see Dr. Barringer something I can not do.  He does call once in a while.  When we leaving the house and it was so empty I watched the kids running around outside and I asked the Boss for a minute by myself, I was closing the French Doors and I turned to look back one more time and I swear I saw you and Gram standing there holding hands smiling at me and I could hear you saying "FORGIVE ME KIDDO", I am ok now.  It was a very very long hard week when you were in the hospital and then when it was time to go and you said let's do this...the ride to the end of life care the song DON'T came on and you said turn it up and blow the horns..... It felt like, I had been in a bad dream for days.  They got you all settled in.  I was rubbing your head and you would look at me and then close your eyes.  The sweet nurse came in to check on you and it had been such a hard and long day she asked if she could hug me and of course, I said yes.  She told you I look very very sad and very worn out and that I needed to leave so you could go.  I told her I can't leave him, she said you must he wants you to and then he will go and be your ANGEL forever.  I remember coming home and crying.  I took a hot shower crying so hard wanting to be there with you, and the Boss was sitting in there with me and I kinda fell into his arms and he said it will be ok.  I brushed my hair and put my head on my pillow and the phone rang.  It was the sweet Nurse from the Palms saying you were gone.  At first, I could not breath or move and when I was crying and screaming nothing was coming out it was so still and I could not hear anything....... I came back down until they came to get you and kiss you one last time.  I said goodbye...... I helped the sweet man who came to get you take you to the car.  He was so sweet but, nothing he was saying was making sense to me.  When he closed the door I jumped and he said are you ok, wiping away my tears.  I felt this warm feeling and he asked me did he want him to walk me to my car and I said no I have someone walking with me already, he smiled and said ok.  It has been very hard to move on but, I am trying.  Now, I dream of you!!!  I will see you again one day and you make sure you keep your promise and save my seat.  Watch over me like you promised.  I think of you every minute of everyday.  I love you dearly and miss you so much!~!~  On a special note I would like to Thank the Boss and my Mother who helped me so much during this very difficult time not sure how I would have made it without you two.  Gramps, I will always be your KIDDO and your crazier than a shit house rat.  But, when you needed me I was there and that is something NO-ONE can ever take away from me.  I wish heaven was not so far away or I would pack up for the day just to see you once more.  I love you today and always and miss you!~!~ Your favorite KIDDO!~!~! And, as of today I have 407 pennies from heaven....... "~Just us 7~"    Seeeeeeeee ya!!!!!!!

3/12/2014 RIP Frank Gordon Haas My Dad, My Friend, Your Lovey!~!~

It is hard to believe that 9 nine years has pasted since you went away.  I often find myself wondering what you would be like today, if you had not had to leave this world.  I will think of something funny and I will go to the phone only to remember I can't call you anymore....  I am glad that we got to spend some really great times together before you left.  I will never forget coming down for Thanksgiving with Dylan for his first Thanksgiving with the Boss and Rusty.  We had so much fun with you!!~  I knew how much you would like the Boss, he can be a hand full sometimes but, he loves me with his whole heart and when you asked him if he truly loved me and he said yes, I saw the way you looked at him and smiled and winked at me.  I will always remember me winning that pool game we played and how you hugged me and held me like it would be the last hug I ever got from you.  In a way it was because, after that you got sick.  I tried my very best to take care of you when you were sick.  I will in my heart never forgive or let go of  "Patty" having you Barker Acted and  and leaving you all alone to die by yourself, in that cold dark room.  But, your KID came and got you out you can bet that.  I will never forget the look on your face when I told the lady at the front desk we can do this the easy way or the hard way.  And, you smiling back at me saying that there is my daughter, my KID, my lovey!!!!  I miss you and your sense of humor and all your BS (insider) No one could BS like you!~!  I kept my promise I made to you and took care of your Father until the very hard end.  I can not believe how many losses we have had in this sad month of March.  You, Mom's Dad's birthday 3/2/2014 he would have been 108 and The Boss' Mom passed away tomorrow 3/13/2014 and then my Gramps, my hero, 3/22/2014.  Let's just say March is not a fun month!~!  I can enjoy the memories and smile and laugh and cry all in minutes. I hope you are having fun every where you are and that you are watching me from afar saying that is my KID and look at all she has been through and she is still standing and smiling and crying inside also.  But, I want you to know I would go back and do it all over again all of it, "For you"!~!~ I love you Dad!~!~  I hope to see you again one day!~!~  I dream of you often and think of you all the time, I will never forget you...... And, remember the GRIN DID WIN!~!~!  "LQTM"  I miss you and love you with all my heart!~!  I wish you could have been here to see SkyeNina and Grayson but, I am grateful you did get to see me have Dylan!~!~!  I thank "GOD" for that............ Remember, I "SO GOT THIS"......................