Monday!~!~!

Today, I woke up in a good mood and I felt refreshed from sleeping.  Got the kids ready for school.  Did my shopping at Publix and Wal-Mart and a shopping trip for a birthday coming up. :)  After, school the kids get the flu shot expect Gravy because, he already got his!~!  And, for the rest of the week I can sit back and relax and do nothing.  AHHHHHHHHHH feels good when I can keep up in being a Momma, Wife, Daughter, Friend, and ME.  I am trying stuff new each day and I think I will thrive and do well.  Keep happy thoughts and smile and don't pretend~!~  I think I will clean the pool once last time before the cover goes over it.  Then I will ponder and reflect.  :)  Happy Monday!~!~!~

Went to Mom's yesterday!~!~

Went over to Mom's yesterday, I felt like being a kid again and I had so much fun!!!!  We laughed and I cried and we talked and talked something, I have been wanting to do.  Being a Momma of three and a Boss and school and my breakdowns, there  has just not been much time to just sit.  Going here and going there is getting heavy on my mind and working my last nerve.  I still have not gotten over the initial SHOCK of Dr. Brace being gone.  ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SIGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  Today, I think of many things missing my Gramps and going to see him and listening to his words of such wisdom.  I have found out that when I can really sit and relax, Mom has the same words of wisdom, even if we do not always agree, I know her love for me and my family is completely "unconditional" and that is why I love her so much!~!~  She has been there for me and her grands and the Boss and she has never let us down.  Something, I truly need in this point of my life.  I have started seeing a psychiatrist, first visit was for the surgery and he signed off on that first thing.  Then, he told me looking behind that smile and laughter there is much depression and pain and anger.  But, I already knew that.  I think he will help me deal with a lot of things that I have pushed aside for so long.  I feel like I am going to explode.......  But, yesterday brought me back to the good old days.  I need to believe that, I can do anything I set my mind too.  I will overcome this.  Feeling alone in a crowded room, scared of being alone, always needing approval, always making everyone else happy.  I need to figure out how Laurajean truly is.  One day at a time, baby steps, I will get there and I will be okay it might not be today but, I will get there. 

I am going to try to write down something each day!~!~!

I think it will help me snap back into reality and know that I can not please everyone all the time.  And, I can not make them do things they just can not do or want to do.  I must expect people for who they are and to stop trying so hard to have some kind of relationship with people who only care about me and my life when it suits them.  My new Doctor told me, it is time to worry about Laurajean and put things on hold.   I think after 46 years of being scared to be alone and making sure everyone else is happy and all smiles and full of laughter, I work on me.  It will be hard breaking that habit but, I think it is time to hold my head up high and move on to a better life for me and my family!!!  It has been so hard for so many years I have forgotten what happiness is all about.  I am going to try it and no I am not making any promises but, I will try very hard!!!!!  I am going to be less available for everyone who wants something from me that I just don't have to give right now....  I will do this!~!~  So, for now if I don't seem to care I do but, I need time and space to figure out me..........

I Believe

I Believe...  That just because two people argue,   It doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do love each other.
	I Believe... That we don't have to change friends if We understand that friends change.
	I Believe.... That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you, every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
	I Believe..... That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
	I Believe... That you can do something in an instant That will give you heartache for life.
	I Believe.... That it's taking me a long time To become the person I want to be.
	I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
	I Believe.... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
	I Believe.... That we are responsible for what We do, no matter how we feel.
	I Believe... That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
	I Believe.... That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,   regardless of the consequences.
	I Believe.... That my best friend and I  can do anything or nothing and have the best time..
	I Believe.... That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
	I Believe... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
	I Believe... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had And what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
	I Believe..... That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.  Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
	I Believe... That no matter how bad your heart is broken,  the world doesn't stop for your grief.
	I Believe.... That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.
	I Believe... That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
	I Believe.... Two people can look at the exact same Thing and see something totally different.
	I Believe... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
	I Believe... That even when you think you have no more to give, When a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
	I Believe... That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
	I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
	I Believe... That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in.  I just did.