Yesterday was my Gram's Birthday!~!~!~!

I so often find myself thinking of her and my Gramps a lot!~!~!~  Missing them both so much is so hard for me~!~!  It has been so long since Gram has been gone but, I never go without saying Happy Birthday to her in Heaven!~!~!~!  I have been thinking about my Gramps a lot lately missing such a wonderful Grandfather and friend and buddy and loving man.  I have been dreaming about him a lot lately, it is always the same dream I am sitting in my chair and the phone will ring and it will say across the screen Frank P. Haas and I smile and get up to answer it and then no-one is there then I wake up and get out of bed and get something to drink always crying for him and then, I most always find a penny :') and then, I go back in my room and rub his box and go back to sleep and say I hope you and Gram are celebrating her birthday together and dancing to something wonderful.  I tried and tried to post this post yesterday but, my Mother got a new computer and even though it makes me laugh she knows now just how hard windows 8 truly is and my cousin Debra told me windows 8 was a devil in sheep's clothing I laughed so hard since, I was given such a hard time about my getting Windows 8.  My Mom is now dealing with what I was dealing with the devil in windows 8 I told her it was not pretty and she laughed and got so mad, I made SEVERAL TRIPS to her house to help and she tells me I have no PATIENCE!~~!~! LQTM.........  But, I wish my Gram a very very Happy Birthday and many more to celebrate with my Gramps and keep watching over me and my family.  I miss you both and love you both so much!~!~!~!  Some say that I need to move on and start living again and I try but, I always go back to the same thing, thinking about the last week I got to spend with him and how much I learned about him and how much I know he truly loved me like no other.  Give Gram a kiss for me and I know you have my name on my sit right next to you.  I know you both are always with me everywhere I go!~!~!~!  HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY Gram!!~!~!~!

Went to the back specialist and he wants to do surgery.

We went to Lakeland today to see my back specialist and he wants to do surgery on my neck ASAP and I told him I would talk it over with my regular Doctor Dr. Brace in the morning for my regular monthly appointment.  He said the bones in my neck are crumbling like crackers which he said is why is goes all the way down my spine and into my legs and hips.  I went through so many surgeries last year I am just not sure I can do another one.  I can always get a really cool neck brace and put a bunch of gems on it and SkyeNina can color it and I am sure no-one would even notice it!~~!~  It was so not the news I was hoping for but, at least I can still walk and talk and move around maybe, not as fast as I could before but, Thank GOD I am able to get up and go with a smile...... Ok time to get cracking on these 5 baskets of clothes that are looking at me saying hey lady I am not going to fold these myself you know..... Sweet Dreams my Peeps!~!~!~!~!

Why do people make excuses and really don't care about the outcome.....

Lately, I have been asking myself why do people make excuses and don't care about the outcome, oh wait, I know because they DON'T CARE...... I am sick of excuses!~!~!~! Don't you ever feel in your life that life is too short and you should try and love and care about the ones you say you care and love do darn much..... I have been so angry and bitter lately with people that make excuses, it is getting old.  I will say this LOVE THE ONES YOU TREASURE BECAUSE, GOD WILL WANT THEM BACK ONE DAY..... Then what are you going to do make excuses??????  Just saying!~!~!~

2014 another Year Let's hope it is an AMAZING ONE.....

Years come and go by so fast these days... I often find myself saying where in the world does the time go.  I have been watching my children grow up so fast it is like warp speed..... I want them to stay little at home with me and stop growing up so fast.  I watch many friends come and go some come for a reason, some only come for a season.  I have decided this new year that my daughter and me are going to lose weight together as a team.  I in my heart know that she is over weight because of me and a lot of stress from her brothers... LOL!!!  But, I would hate like hell to go to PRISON for someone hurting my daughter for any reason.  Dylan and Grayson are like ok, we can eat from the time we come home until the time our head hits the pillow and remain a good weight.  I, in my mind would love to keep her fluffy because then she won't want boys to like her and I am not ready to be a Grandmother for any reason.  But, enough excuses we are going to do this as a team "girls rule".  Now, on a different note, I am going to try very hard to mind my own business and try very hard not to care what people think of me.  I am going to try to understand it is not always about how I want to be treated and think I should be treated who am I to say someone who treats me a way that they are not ok with.  I will try be more patience (Ok, Mom stop laughing) with those who are maybe having a hard time and don't want to share or talk about things.  I know in my heart and mind that I have always been a caring person and let's face it that will not change but, what will change is how I understand and care for those on their time.  I have had more sadness in 2013 then one person should be aloud in a lifetime. I have been grieving for my Gramps for so long I think I lost myself somewhere along the way.  I miss him so much very day that is seems the pain will never end but, I know that is not want he wanted for me to do.  I promised him I would be ok and I would dislike to know that I am disappointing him in anyway.  I now have 239 pennies I find them everywhere he told me when you find a penny it is from me from heaven when I see one I always cry and say a penny from heaven!!!  What I would love the most is for my family to have an amazing year and lots of laughter and lots of love and HAPPINESS!~!!~  Some things need change and others don't need change at all they just need space and a little time to figure things out and make the best choice for them and I will always support their choice whether I agree or not, it is none of my business.  I just need to let them be who they are and I will be who I am.  So, here is to another year 2014 and I KNOW it is going to be AMAZING for everyone!~!~!

I can not believe how fast this year went.....

So many different things happened this passed year some very sad things, some wonderful things, some heartbreaking things, and lots of surgeries.........  They started off sad in many different ways... First, we lost Little Sasha..... Then we lost Missy Snooks, Then we lost Abigail.... And then we lost Gramps G.  I was struggling with cancer of the thyroid taking care of three kids and taking care of him and trying to stay strong even though I was dying inside.  I think my Gramps stayed alive long enough to make sure I beat the cancer.  He was so happy when he found out I beat it.  Then, God decided it was time to take him back from us.  It was one the hardest things I have ever been through and I have been through some really rough and tough stuff.  I closed down for a while and was mad at everyone even the ones who loved me the most I shut out.  My Mom helped me so much this past year I would be in the crazy house if she was not there to tell me to get up, wash me face, brush my hair and smile.  It was so hard but, I did it!~!~  In doing so I lost for a while my sister Fran not because, I wanted to but, because I was angry at the world and it was not her fault.  She and I have not always seen eye to eye and she has her own life as I have mine but, I was angry because she was not grieving so, I thought I like was.  Everyone has there own way of grieving and I was sad, angry, hurt, disappointed and I felt let down.  I was already going through so many health issues and I was very TIRED and lonely.  We finally made up in our own way.  I miss having a big sister that I could talk to and hug and cry too but, she is always in my thoughts and mind and heart.  A very good friend of mine told me what other people do Laurajean as only she could say my name and me hear it differently.... "Laurjean what other people do is none of your business and I thought you know what she was so right.  I have always worn my heart on my shoulder and after a while I got sick of it getting knocked off and I thought ok, Laurajean it is time to start living and not just EXISTING and more forward that is what your Gramps would want you to do.  Tomorrow is the Boss and mine Anniversary 15 years but, been together for 19 years.... He is my blessing every day even when he makes me mad.   I got a really neat gift from him for Christmas and Anniversary new floors in the kitchen I will post a picture tomorrow it is BEAUTIFUL!~!~! He has been there like no other he has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, and then some.  I had 4 surgeries and Grayson had one and I swear I can not do anymore surgeries even though the back specialist was too but, we shall see.  I have almost healed up from the last surgery but, still somewhat sore.  But, NO MORE PERIODS.  Now my luck my daughter will start and then I am moving to my Mom's LQTM...  Anyway, This year I am going to do what I say, I am going to be that friend that someone needs and can always count on,  I am starting FRESH!~!~!  I have always been LOYAL and CARING that will remain the same but, there are some changes a coming so be ready... 2014 just might be my lucky year..... :)

It is almost Christmas and 88 today is so not happening...

It is almost Christmas and it was 88 outside today... I am like over the heat..... BIG TIME.... I got all the wrapping of my Mother presents done today and SkyeNina and I had fun doing them together.  I see that we will be having another small cold front come in.  Being that winter started officially today so maybe we are in for some really cold weather.  It would be nice if it was really cold and for the first time in 19 years the Boss will not have to go to Sun Rays Groves and bust his ass for 110 a week during the cold weather, Poor Russell will have to do the work awwwwww GOD you are awesome... I have been getting better each day and the holidays are going to be a little hard this year the first few holidays without Gramps will be hard.  But, as I was talking to my Mom for the good night call we talked about making new memories and starting something new.  I think it is a GREAT idea.  Don't get me wrong I miss my Gramps with all my heart and tomorrow will be 9 months he has been gone... It seems like a lifetime already.  I miss his smell, I miss his words of such wise and comforting words.  I miss being called crazier than a shit house rat.  I miss his smile and small laughter.  I miss him and I really miss his hugs.  But, I have decided to make new happy memories of him and know that he is in a much better place and remember the wonderful times we had and celebrate his life not mourn it anymore.  It will not be easy but, losing a loved one never is but, there is a time to move forward and remember happiness.  We will are going over to Granny on Christmas eve and have tons of fun and Christmas lunch over here as always.  I am so blessed to have such and amazing family to be with because, their are so many that have no one or are away from home or lost or missing or saving lives or grieving somehow, I want to thank GOD I have my family to celebrate Christmas with and much love and happiness and much much laughter........ I don't want anything for Christmas I just want to be HAPPY and for this world to find PEACE...... Wouldn't that be AMAZING........... :')

Only 6 1/2 more days until CHRISTmas Break.......

No-one wants to say Merry Christmas anymore it is oh Happy Holidays~!~!  Well, I am not having that, I say Merrrrrrry Christmas to everyone and some people get pissy well, tough shit.... I am not going to have to say Happy Holidays like saying Merry Christmas is a HUGE CRIME.... I want to let people know that it is not all about the HOLIDAYS... It is about Love, Friends, Family and Giving. A there is a REASON for everything I say!~!~! Now, that it is 12:37 AM and I have to get up in 5 hours I am going to bed singing Merry Christmas to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT!~!~!~! LQTM!~!~!~!