2014 another Year Let's hope it is an AMAZING ONE.....

Years come and go by so fast these days... I often find myself saying where in the world does the time go.  I have been watching my children grow up so fast it is like warp speed..... I want them to stay little at home with me and stop growing up so fast.  I watch many friends come and go some come for a reason, some only come for a season.  I have decided this new year that my daughter and me are going to lose weight together as a team.  I in my heart know that she is over weight because of me and a lot of stress from her brothers... LOL!!!  But, I would hate like hell to go to PRISON for someone hurting my daughter for any reason.  Dylan and Grayson are like ok, we can eat from the time we come home until the time our head hits the pillow and remain a good weight.  I, in my mind would love to keep her fluffy because then she won't want boys to like her and I am not ready to be a Grandmother for any reason.  But, enough excuses we are going to do this as a team "girls rule".  Now, on a different note, I am going to try very hard to mind my own business and try very hard not to care what people think of me.  I am going to try to understand it is not always about how I want to be treated and think I should be treated who am I to say someone who treats me a way that they are not ok with.  I will try be more patience (Ok, Mom stop laughing) with those who are maybe having a hard time and don't want to share or talk about things.  I know in my heart and mind that I have always been a caring person and let's face it that will not change but, what will change is how I understand and care for those on their time.  I have had more sadness in 2013 then one person should be aloud in a lifetime. I have been grieving for my Gramps for so long I think I lost myself somewhere along the way.  I miss him so much very day that is seems the pain will never end but, I know that is not want he wanted for me to do.  I promised him I would be ok and I would dislike to know that I am disappointing him in anyway.  I now have 239 pennies I find them everywhere he told me when you find a penny it is from me from heaven when I see one I always cry and say a penny from heaven!!!  What I would love the most is for my family to have an amazing year and lots of laughter and lots of love and HAPPINESS!~!!~  Some things need change and others don't need change at all they just need space and a little time to figure things out and make the best choice for them and I will always support their choice whether I agree or not, it is none of my business.  I just need to let them be who they are and I will be who I am.  So, here is to another year 2014 and I KNOW it is going to be AMAZING for everyone!~!~!

I can not believe how fast this year went.....

So many different things happened this passed year some very sad things, some wonderful things, some heartbreaking things, and lots of surgeries.........  They started off sad in many different ways... First, we lost Little Sasha..... Then we lost Missy Snooks, Then we lost Abigail.... And then we lost Gramps G.  I was struggling with cancer of the thyroid taking care of three kids and taking care of him and trying to stay strong even though I was dying inside.  I think my Gramps stayed alive long enough to make sure I beat the cancer.  He was so happy when he found out I beat it.  Then, God decided it was time to take him back from us.  It was one the hardest things I have ever been through and I have been through some really rough and tough stuff.  I closed down for a while and was mad at everyone even the ones who loved me the most I shut out.  My Mom helped me so much this past year I would be in the crazy house if she was not there to tell me to get up, wash me face, brush my hair and smile.  It was so hard but, I did it!~!~  In doing so I lost for a while my sister Fran not because, I wanted to but, because I was angry at the world and it was not her fault.  She and I have not always seen eye to eye and she has her own life as I have mine but, I was angry because she was not grieving so, I thought I like was.  Everyone has there own way of grieving and I was sad, angry, hurt, disappointed and I felt let down.  I was already going through so many health issues and I was very TIRED and lonely.  We finally made up in our own way.  I miss having a big sister that I could talk to and hug and cry too but, she is always in my thoughts and mind and heart.  A very good friend of mine told me what other people do Laurajean as only she could say my name and me hear it differently.... "Laurjean what other people do is none of your business and I thought you know what she was so right.  I have always worn my heart on my shoulder and after a while I got sick of it getting knocked off and I thought ok, Laurajean it is time to start living and not just EXISTING and more forward that is what your Gramps would want you to do.  Tomorrow is the Boss and mine Anniversary 15 years but, been together for 19 years.... He is my blessing every day even when he makes me mad.   I got a really neat gift from him for Christmas and Anniversary new floors in the kitchen I will post a picture tomorrow it is BEAUTIFUL!~!~! He has been there like no other he has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, and then some.  I had 4 surgeries and Grayson had one and I swear I can not do anymore surgeries even though the back specialist was too but, we shall see.  I have almost healed up from the last surgery but, still somewhat sore.  But, NO MORE PERIODS.  Now my luck my daughter will start and then I am moving to my Mom's LQTM...  Anyway, This year I am going to do what I say, I am going to be that friend that someone needs and can always count on,  I am starting FRESH!~!~!  I have always been LOYAL and CARING that will remain the same but, there are some changes a coming so be ready... 2014 just might be my lucky year..... :)

It is almost Christmas and 88 today is so not happening...

It is almost Christmas and it was 88 outside today... I am like over the heat..... BIG TIME.... I got all the wrapping of my Mother presents done today and SkyeNina and I had fun doing them together.  I see that we will be having another small cold front come in.  Being that winter started officially today so maybe we are in for some really cold weather.  It would be nice if it was really cold and for the first time in 19 years the Boss will not have to go to Sun Rays Groves and bust his ass for 110 a week during the cold weather, Poor Russell will have to do the work awwwwww GOD you are awesome... I have been getting better each day and the holidays are going to be a little hard this year the first few holidays without Gramps will be hard.  But, as I was talking to my Mom for the good night call we talked about making new memories and starting something new.  I think it is a GREAT idea.  Don't get me wrong I miss my Gramps with all my heart and tomorrow will be 9 months he has been gone... It seems like a lifetime already.  I miss his smell, I miss his words of such wise and comforting words.  I miss being called crazier than a shit house rat.  I miss his smile and small laughter.  I miss him and I really miss his hugs.  But, I have decided to make new happy memories of him and know that he is in a much better place and remember the wonderful times we had and celebrate his life not mourn it anymore.  It will not be easy but, losing a loved one never is but, there is a time to move forward and remember happiness.  We will are going over to Granny on Christmas eve and have tons of fun and Christmas lunch over here as always.  I am so blessed to have such and amazing family to be with because, their are so many that have no one or are away from home or lost or missing or saving lives or grieving somehow, I want to thank GOD I have my family to celebrate Christmas with and much love and happiness and much much laughter........ I don't want anything for Christmas I just want to be HAPPY and for this world to find PEACE...... Wouldn't that be AMAZING........... :')

Only 6 1/2 more days until CHRISTmas Break.......

No-one wants to say Merry Christmas anymore it is oh Happy Holidays~!~!  Well, I am not having that, I say Merrrrrrry Christmas to everyone and some people get pissy well, tough shit.... I am not going to have to say Happy Holidays like saying Merry Christmas is a HUGE CRIME.... I want to let people know that it is not all about the HOLIDAYS... It is about Love, Friends, Family and Giving. A there is a REASON for everything I say!~!~! Now, that it is 12:37 AM and I have to get up in 5 hours I am going to bed singing Merry Christmas to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT!~!~!~! LQTM!~!~!~!

The Unknown........

 

DYING TO HAVE KNOWN

For each of us eventually, whether we're ready or not,
someday, it will come to an end.
...
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten,
will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to
irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or owed. Your grudges,
resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.

So too your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do list will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade
away.

It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the
tracks you lived at the end.

It won't matter if you're beautiful or brilliant, even your gender
and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be
measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built,
not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned, but what you
taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage,
or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to
emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how
many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that
live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered by
whom, and for what.

A life lived that matters is not of circumstance, but of choice..........

 

 

 

 

It is not my business........

It is not my business and not my area anymore to continue to try and make people happy who are not happy with themselves and since I have always been a people pleaser I will no LONGER do that either.  I will be happy and please the ones who appreciate it and love me unconditionally from this point on.  I will not let anyone or anything make me feel as I have done something wrong.  I always own it when I am and I always say I am sorry when needed.  I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I have been so happy lately and then I tried once again to be the better person well, as Dr. Phil would say how is that working for you..... Well, I tell you it is not working at all.  LQTM.  I have said over a billion times I will not do that anymore and here I sat doing it and I was doing so good and I am so mad at myself.  I think people when you tell them something about how they are and they get mad it is because it is TRUE and they don't like it.  But, that is not my area either, nor my business.  I am sick and tired of people acting like they are the VICTIM here.... You can always change if you want it bad enough.  I did.... It took a lot but, I did it.  I am going to be me and try and let everything that is on my mind go I have so much coming up and I need to have a clear mind and soul.  On the movie Mr. Mom he said which I love ..... It is really easy to forget what is important so don't ..... But, I know what I have done and I can do but, NO MORE... I will enjoy the time with my family and with my Mother and a few good friends and that is that.  Just saying...... JUST US 7 for life!~!~!~!  :0)

2 Quotes for today and to live by....

Living Life..... Life is not a race but, indeed a journey. Be "HONEST". Work hard. Be choosy. Say "thank you", "I love you", and "great job" to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental ~ Search for your purpose and do it as best... you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. FORGIVE, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself ~ plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today, ENJOY THE MOMENT....... :0)

 

 

Life..... Seize it and make it amazing. Have adventures. Find your voice. Ask questions. Use your imagination. Make a difference. Surround yourself with only GOOD FRIENDS. Be kind & generous. Discover your passion. Make mistakes. Take chances. Follow your dreams. Today is the day, DON'T let it pass you by...... :0)

 

I am getting good at this thinking thing, I just might be growing up after all.....