I can not believe how fast this year went.....

So many different things happened this passed year some very sad things, some wonderful things, some heartbreaking things, and lots of surgeries.........  They started off sad in many different ways... First, we lost Little Sasha..... Then we lost Missy Snooks, Then we lost Abigail.... And then we lost Gramps G.  I was struggling with cancer of the thyroid taking care of three kids and taking care of him and trying to stay strong even though I was dying inside.  I think my Gramps stayed alive long enough to make sure I beat the cancer.  He was so happy when he found out I beat it.  Then, God decided it was time to take him back from us.  It was one the hardest things I have ever been through and I have been through some really rough and tough stuff.  I closed down for a while and was mad at everyone even the ones who loved me the most I shut out.  My Mom helped me so much this past year I would be in the crazy house if she was not there to tell me to get up, wash me face, brush my hair and smile.  It was so hard but, I did it!~!~  In doing so I lost for a while my sister Fran not because, I wanted to but, because I was angry at the world and it was not her fault.  She and I have not always seen eye to eye and she has her own life as I have mine but, I was angry because she was not grieving so, I thought I like was.  Everyone has there own way of grieving and I was sad, angry, hurt, disappointed and I felt let down.  I was already going through so many health issues and I was very TIRED and lonely.  We finally made up in our own way.  I miss having a big sister that I could talk to and hug and cry too but, she is always in my thoughts and mind and heart.  A very good friend of mine told me what other people do Laurajean as only she could say my name and me hear it differently.... "Laurjean what other people do is none of your business and I thought you know what she was so right.  I have always worn my heart on my shoulder and after a while I got sick of it getting knocked off and I thought ok, Laurajean it is time to start living and not just EXISTING and more forward that is what your Gramps would want you to do.  Tomorrow is the Boss and mine Anniversary 15 years but, been together for 19 years.... He is my blessing every day even when he makes me mad.   I got a really neat gift from him for Christmas and Anniversary new floors in the kitchen I will post a picture tomorrow it is BEAUTIFUL!~!~! He has been there like no other he has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, and then some.  I had 4 surgeries and Grayson had one and I swear I can not do anymore surgeries even though the back specialist was too but, we shall see.  I have almost healed up from the last surgery but, still somewhat sore.  But, NO MORE PERIODS.  Now my luck my daughter will start and then I am moving to my Mom's LQTM...  Anyway, This year I am going to do what I say, I am going to be that friend that someone needs and can always count on,  I am starting FRESH!~!~!  I have always been LOYAL and CARING that will remain the same but, there are some changes a coming so be ready... 2014 just might be my lucky year..... :)

It is almost Christmas and 88 today is so not happening...

It is almost Christmas and it was 88 outside today... I am like over the heat..... BIG TIME.... I got all the wrapping of my Mother presents done today and SkyeNina and I had fun doing them together.  I see that we will be having another small cold front come in.  Being that winter started officially today so maybe we are in for some really cold weather.  It would be nice if it was really cold and for the first time in 19 years the Boss will not have to go to Sun Rays Groves and bust his ass for 110 a week during the cold weather, Poor Russell will have to do the work awwwwww GOD you are awesome... I have been getting better each day and the holidays are going to be a little hard this year the first few holidays without Gramps will be hard.  But, as I was talking to my Mom for the good night call we talked about making new memories and starting something new.  I think it is a GREAT idea.  Don't get me wrong I miss my Gramps with all my heart and tomorrow will be 9 months he has been gone... It seems like a lifetime already.  I miss his smell, I miss his words of such wise and comforting words.  I miss being called crazier than a shit house rat.  I miss his smile and small laughter.  I miss him and I really miss his hugs.  But, I have decided to make new happy memories of him and know that he is in a much better place and remember the wonderful times we had and celebrate his life not mourn it anymore.  It will not be easy but, losing a loved one never is but, there is a time to move forward and remember happiness.  We will are going over to Granny on Christmas eve and have tons of fun and Christmas lunch over here as always.  I am so blessed to have such and amazing family to be with because, their are so many that have no one or are away from home or lost or missing or saving lives or grieving somehow, I want to thank GOD I have my family to celebrate Christmas with and much love and happiness and much much laughter........ I don't want anything for Christmas I just want to be HAPPY and for this world to find PEACE...... Wouldn't that be AMAZING........... :')

Only 6 1/2 more days until CHRISTmas Break.......

No-one wants to say Merry Christmas anymore it is oh Happy Holidays~!~!  Well, I am not having that, I say Merrrrrrry Christmas to everyone and some people get pissy well, tough shit.... I am not going to have to say Happy Holidays like saying Merry Christmas is a HUGE CRIME.... I want to let people know that it is not all about the HOLIDAYS... It is about Love, Friends, Family and Giving. A there is a REASON for everything I say!~!~! Now, that it is 12:37 AM and I have to get up in 5 hours I am going to bed singing Merry Christmas to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT!~!~!~! LQTM!~!~!~!

The Unknown........

 

DYING TO HAVE KNOWN

For each of us eventually, whether we're ready or not,
someday, it will come to an end.
...
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten,
will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to
irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or owed. Your grudges,
resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.

So too your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do list will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade
away.

It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the
tracks you lived at the end.

It won't matter if you're beautiful or brilliant, even your gender
and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be
measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built,
not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned, but what you
taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage,
or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to
emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how
many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that
live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered by
whom, and for what.

A life lived that matters is not of circumstance, but of choice..........

 

 

 

 

It is not my business........

It is not my business and not my area anymore to continue to try and make people happy who are not happy with themselves and since I have always been a people pleaser I will no LONGER do that either.  I will be happy and please the ones who appreciate it and love me unconditionally from this point on.  I will not let anyone or anything make me feel as I have done something wrong.  I always own it when I am and I always say I am sorry when needed.  I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I have been so happy lately and then I tried once again to be the better person well, as Dr. Phil would say how is that working for you..... Well, I tell you it is not working at all.  LQTM.  I have said over a billion times I will not do that anymore and here I sat doing it and I was doing so good and I am so mad at myself.  I think people when you tell them something about how they are and they get mad it is because it is TRUE and they don't like it.  But, that is not my area either, nor my business.  I am sick and tired of people acting like they are the VICTIM here.... You can always change if you want it bad enough.  I did.... It took a lot but, I did it.  I am going to be me and try and let everything that is on my mind go I have so much coming up and I need to have a clear mind and soul.  On the movie Mr. Mom he said which I love ..... It is really easy to forget what is important so don't ..... But, I know what I have done and I can do but, NO MORE... I will enjoy the time with my family and with my Mother and a few good friends and that is that.  Just saying...... JUST US 7 for life!~!~!~!  :0)

2 Quotes for today and to live by....

Living Life..... Life is not a race but, indeed a journey. Be "HONEST". Work hard. Be choosy. Say "thank you", "I love you", and "great job" to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental ~ Search for your purpose and do it as best... you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. FORGIVE, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself ~ plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today, ENJOY THE MOMENT....... :0)

 

 

Life..... Seize it and make it amazing. Have adventures. Find your voice. Ask questions. Use your imagination. Make a difference. Surround yourself with only GOOD FRIENDS. Be kind & generous. Discover your passion. Make mistakes. Take chances. Follow your dreams. Today is the day, DON'T let it pass you by...... :0)

 

I am getting good at this thinking thing, I just might be growing up after all..... 

Fall back my A@@...

I wish they would leave the time changing ALONE.. I like it when it gets darker earlier that way I can get the kids to wind down easier.  I have been a real slacker lately blogging but, after this last surgery of doing the ablation nearly did me in and now I have to go back and do a full hysterectomy which we probably should have done in the first place but, we thought it would work.  Grayson will be going to do his Ct Scan Tuesday which of course I am not happy about but, this ENT specialist wants to see what is going on before we take out the sinuses and the tonsils, I think we are just wasting time but, again I am not the Doctor.  This week was so emotionally draining and I never get like that but, I have so much going on I feel like I will never see the end of the tunnel.  But, I know that I am getting close.  I have almost given up on them ever getting my levels under control because it is low or high or blahhhh.  I will know more the 11th.  I finally finished my MRI and they are three large grey spots on my neck and I knew that but, now it is just what are they going to do about it.  I promised my Gramps that I would not have any kind of back surgery before he passed away.  I will ask the Doctor if it is life threatening then I will ponder if not I will just deal with it I have been dealing with it for so long now I am numb to it anymore.  It feels like it is 3:00 and it is way pass my bed time but, yes me I had to fold the clothes so that after I take the kids to school I can clean this nasty house... I have let it go too long and I can not stand it anymore.  Went over to see my Mom today with SkyeNina and Little Dude, Dylan was talking to Donald and playing mine craft so I made Mom and I a pineapple cake and we ate it and stayed for just a little while.  I can not believe it is November and Thanksgiving is right around the corner and let's not even talk about Christmas..... GRRRRRRRRRRR Ok, I am off to hit the hay and dream a wonderful dream!~!~!