OMG....

Here I am sitting here ready to go to jury duty really seriously me..... They will not want me once I start flopping around like a fish out of water... BWAHHAHHAAHHHAHHA Later Tater's!~!~!~!

Hello Fall!~!~! :)

Well, we all know by now that me writing something down every day just did not make the cut.  LQTM!~!  I am so super happy that I won an air machine.  It is called Rain Mate.   It is super cool and I am awaiting the oils!~!  I can watch the water fall around that thing all day~!~!  Very very calming and hope to really put it to good use!~!  I will say this after yesterday I take dusting the house to a whole new level.  I was sick and not feeling up to it DUSTING that is so I laid on the couch somewhere in there I remember turning around seeing the Boss with the air compressor dusting off my shit and I thought OMG really!!!  That was that I can not even remember the comment I made as I rolled over on the other side of the couch.  I dislike when I know I am funny and I can not remember why.  LQTM!~!~!  Today I sat here and made so many calls I even asked one lady if she would transfer me to Laurajean Guzman... BWHAHHAHHAHAHHAHH!~!~!  Shoot, time to go get the kids!~!~!

Monday!~!~!

Today, I woke up in a good mood and I felt refreshed from sleeping.  Got the kids ready for school.  Did my shopping at Publix and Wal-Mart and a shopping trip for a birthday coming up. :)  After, school the kids get the flu shot expect Gravy because, he already got his!~!  And, for the rest of the week I can sit back and relax and do nothing.  AHHHHHHHHHH feels good when I can keep up in being a Momma, Wife, Daughter, Friend, and ME.  I am trying stuff new each day and I think I will thrive and do well.  Keep happy thoughts and smile and don't pretend~!~  I think I will clean the pool once last time before the cover goes over it.  Then I will ponder and reflect.  :)  Happy Monday!~!~!~

Went to Mom's yesterday!~!~

Went over to Mom's yesterday, I felt like being a kid again and I had so much fun!!!!  We laughed and I cried and we talked and talked something, I have been wanting to do.  Being a Momma of three and a Boss and school and my breakdowns, there  has just not been much time to just sit.  Going here and going there is getting heavy on my mind and working my last nerve.  I still have not gotten over the initial SHOCK of Dr. Brace being gone.  ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SIGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  Today, I think of many things missing my Gramps and going to see him and listening to his words of such wisdom.  I have found out that when I can really sit and relax, Mom has the same words of wisdom, even if we do not always agree, I know her love for me and my family is completely "unconditional" and that is why I love her so much!~!~  She has been there for me and her grands and the Boss and she has never let us down.  Something, I truly need in this point of my life.  I have started seeing a psychiatrist, first visit was for the surgery and he signed off on that first thing.  Then, he told me looking behind that smile and laughter there is much depression and pain and anger.  But, I already knew that.  I think he will help me deal with a lot of things that I have pushed aside for so long.  I feel like I am going to explode.......  But, yesterday brought me back to the good old days.  I need to believe that, I can do anything I set my mind too.  I will overcome this.  Feeling alone in a crowded room, scared of being alone, always needing approval, always making everyone else happy.  I need to figure out how Laurajean truly is.  One day at a time, baby steps, I will get there and I will be okay it might not be today but, I will get there. 

I am going to try to write down something each day!~!~!

I think it will help me snap back into reality and know that I can not please everyone all the time.  And, I can not make them do things they just can not do or want to do.  I must expect people for who they are and to stop trying so hard to have some kind of relationship with people who only care about me and my life when it suits them.  My new Doctor told me, it is time to worry about Laurajean and put things on hold.   I think after 46 years of being scared to be alone and making sure everyone else is happy and all smiles and full of laughter, I work on me.  It will be hard breaking that habit but, I think it is time to hold my head up high and move on to a better life for me and my family!!!  It has been so hard for so many years I have forgotten what happiness is all about.  I am going to try it and no I am not making any promises but, I will try very hard!!!!!  I am going to be less available for everyone who wants something from me that I just don't have to give right now....  I will do this!~!~  So, for now if I don't seem to care I do but, I need time and space to figure out me..........

I Believe

I Believe...  That just because two people argue,   It doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do love each other.
	I Believe... That we don't have to change friends if We understand that friends change.
	I Believe.... That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you, every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
	I Believe..... That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
	I Believe... That you can do something in an instant That will give you heartache for life.
	I Believe.... That it's taking me a long time To become the person I want to be.
	I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
	I Believe.... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
	I Believe.... That we are responsible for what We do, no matter how we feel.
	I Believe... That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
	I Believe.... That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,   regardless of the consequences.
	I Believe.... That my best friend and I  can do anything or nothing and have the best time..
	I Believe.... That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
	I Believe... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
	I Believe... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had And what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
	I Believe..... That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.  Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
	I Believe... That no matter how bad your heart is broken,  the world doesn't stop for your grief.
	I Believe.... That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.
	I Believe... That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
	I Believe.... Two people can look at the exact same Thing and see something totally different.
	I Believe... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
	I Believe... That even when you think you have no more to give, When a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
	I Believe... That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
	I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
	I Believe... That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in.  I just did.

Well, summer is coming to an end...... First Grayson left the nest and now school starts Wednesday!~!

Well, summer is almost over.  I can not believe it already.  I sure hope the school year goes by just as fast.  Went to the Doctor and I have lost 27 pounds since July.  I am super excited about that but, have a really long hard road ahead.  But, I can do this.  I have to start reading labels.  I am so not a label reading kinda gal.  But, I will to keep on track.  I am very scared about Young Dylan going to the middle school but, he must do.  I wish he could go to SMS but, HGMS it is.  I was telling them that is was going to be different for everyone.  I am always so sad when they go back for the first few weeks.  Being here all alone.  *SIGH*  Miss SkyeNina is ready for Mrs. we know and I told her if she yells at her once just once to tell her in a very nice way that you really don't want my Mom to come up here because, she can be in the 20 seconds or less.  Little Dude is super excited about having Mrs. Hitt.  I know it is going to be a wonderful year.  Young Dylan has some really neat teachers and some pretty tough classes but, he will do fine.  He is taking Spanish so he can tell me what is Dad is saying LQTM!~!~!~ Thank you Mom for coming over today and sitting with your grands while, I went to the Doctor, if I had known the Boss would be home you could have just stayed home.  We all know the Boss is not thinking clearly these days.. so not LMAO!~!~! I have been doing a lot of thinking about so many things lately, I know it scares me too.. tee tee!~!~  I am going to go to the school board probably on Wednesday right after I take them to school and sign them all up for SMS next year and then for the following years.  It is simply stupid to be zoned to HGMS when I live 4 blocks from SMS.  But, I guess it is in all who ass you kiss well, I am not fond of ass kissing unless it is totally necessary.. LMAO!~!~!  Well, I think I will fold the clothes and clean the bathroom and do the dishes and hell I might even paint the living room while I am at it... OH GESSSSH!~!~!